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Genuine question - these two statements seem at odds with one another. If love to you means needing to receive nothing else back, why the pain and turmoil? Is it just that you need the love recognised by others in order for it to not feel like a secret, but that you need no further reciprocal...

It's hard when you feel you have no one to confide in in your day to day life. For me, I felt a lot better when I started being more open with my friends. For me, hiding was not an option, and I certainly didn't want people to think I or my partner was cheating on the other if we were seen out...

I don't want to be the voice of pessimism here, but are you confident the fiancé actually knows anything about what's going on and she's not just cheating on him? The complete radio silence when she's spending time with him and the fact that she's not out to a single other person in her life...

I suggest that rather than waste the booking of a flat out of town, you treat your husband to the romantic getaway and thank him for the support he has shown. Or try to get a refund and plan something else for him with the money. He sounds like a champ: only six weeks into poly, juggling his own...

Why the need to definitively decide? I've flipped and flopped over whether poly is an identity or a forever choice - and what I keep coming back to is the idea that it works for now. In the next few years Nina and I would like kids. Neither of us anticipates being able to do that and actively...

I'm glad that your friendship with T is important to you and that you're not willing to put her in the line of fire. As for your partner, I agree with vinsanity - it sounds like he has a lot of work to do before he's ready for even casual sex outside of your relationship. Of course, you can help...

I want to try to say something positive, because I don't think your situation is completely untenable. Although she has been cheating and lying, you sound like you could actually be happy in a poly situation. Don't be phased by the fact that you don't have desire for others: many couples work...

I wonder if what you are really struggling with is a feeling that him falling in love will somehow necessitate big changes to how things are, when in fact, it might not. It sounds like things are generally excellent between the two of you and you otherwise feel secure in your relationship, but...

I've also found this insight to be super helpful in coming to terms with polyamory. I now feel a genuine sense of security from knowing that my partner, unlike in previous relationships, actively chooses to be with me everyday in the full knowledge that she could be with any person she desires...

Yes. Because people change over time. And I trust that my relationship could withstand us simply talking about the possibility of something. I'm not sure I could bear to be with anyone who told me 'there's a thing in the world and I never ever ever want to talk to you about it'. Because to me a...

You're on a polyamory forum. To most of the people here, being '100% committed' to one particular relationship doesn't preclude being interested/able to pursue others (also with '100% commitment'). :) I just wanted to point out that commitment and sexual/romantic exclusivity are completely...

I agree with Nadya about trying to get your own place closer to them. Also, figure out the parameters of this open relationship. Is your girlfriend cool with you dating others? Is this something you want? Is there a hierarchy in place? Does her husband get any say in your relationship with her...

I don't think it's possible to convince anyone out of their own insecurities. He has to be prepared to resolve his fears by himself. You can offer all of the verbal reassurance in the world, but at the end of the day, if you being polyamorous means he doesn't feel safe enough to fully trust that...

Oof! I would find it hard not to respond with something along the lines of him being an illiterate fucktard, but then, I'm a foul mouthed Scot with a linguistics PhD, and nothing upsets me more than a misspelt insult. Seriously, don't try to call me names if you can't even be bothered to grammar...

In my experience, your intuition is correct. A new adjustment needs to be made every time me or my (live-in) partner meets another. Of course, some things do get simpler and easier over time, but this is usually the result of learning how to successfully problem solve with my partner, rather...

It's not cool that he has a double standard in this area, definitely. If his logic is that he cares too much for you and is worried that another person would steal you away from him, then why should you not be worried about the same? If he's unwilling to put as much work as you into overcoming...

To me, if something is part of one's personal identity, it is incompatible with being referred to as a 'lifestyle'. That's why 'gay lifestyle' makes no fucking sense to me, and actually annoys me quite a bit. I didn't choose to be queer, I just am. I do choose to be part of the queer community...

I'm firmly in the staying friends with my exes camp, but also in the 'now we no longer fuck each other' camp too. As you say, usually there are reasons for a break-up, and I think I would find it too confusing to maintain a sexual relationship if I know that there was once romantic attachment...

Also, have you asked him if there's any particular reason he's so flaky in the hospital? Most of us have bad experiences and associations with the medical world, and some people are genuinely freaked out and ill at ease with a hospital environment. If he's normally attentive to you and your...

As a follow on to Kevin's suggestion, if he's not willing to be fully present with you during hospital visits, do you have a reliable friend or family member that could accompany you instead? I know that you want him there not just for support but because he's the father, but the priority is the...