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I have a slightly different perspective than has been expressed here. I'll share it just in case it is useful to you. If not, please do ignore. So - you express a desire for close friendships with women and state that in order to have them, you need an open relationship. I'm guessing that you...

I always think it's a shame when people who no longer get along stay in an unhappy relationship for their kids. I'm not sure why it is thought to be better for the kids?? I always suspect that it is quite damaging for children to grow up in a household where their parents aren't close. It...

I wouldn't see it as just a thing that mummy does. Raising kids, in my opinion, needs to be the focus for parents until the kids have left high school and are old enough to be forming their own lives. I think that does mean sticking mostly to activities and friendships that can include the...

You are such a gentle person and I hope that you and the person/people who are upset can move past this. IP

Sounds like he just doesn't have the time and space in his life to be available for the sort of time you need to feel happy. I think it's understandable that he would want a break and time away from his family. I know I would - but it probably isn't realistic. My mum was a SAHM. There were 3...

I agree with you, Mags. It reads as though Dag wants to do more with Claire - and agrees to. Then he can't follow through. It almost comes across as if he is dishonest (with himself as much as with Claire). I can't remember how old his kids are but until we all grew up and were in college...

What does your therapist suggest for this? To me it sounds like you are learning more about yourself. Maybe a primary/secondary model of poly would be better for you? Maybe poly or mono isn't the issue for you at all? Maybe you lack experience at dealing with relationships once NRE has worn...

Wow. I feel knackered just reading that. Do you ever do stuff just for you?

This - this is ultimately what stopped me from deciding that poly was something I wanted to actively do. I could very easily make time for more than one relationship. I work part-time, close to my home and earn enough money doing that to not need to look for additional income. I have plenty of...

My partner and I choose to live monogamously for a variety of reasons. The question of being enough for each other is irrelevant to our relationship. Neither of us is enough for the other. We both have friends we are close to, both meet new people, have crushes, have people in our lives that...

I'd second meditation as being worthwhile for dealing with stress and anxiety.

Four months is nothing in terms of adjusting to the changes you've made in your life. It takes time and that feeling of things being out of control is pretty normal. Turn up at work when you need to, pay your bills, ride your bike, love Rider and be kind to yourself. The time will pass and...

Yuck. You are having a tough time of it. :( Another thought struck me. While it is tempting to make decisions that change life during periods of stress, the stress hampers the ability to make good decisions. It was one of the things I read a couple of years ago when my life was very...

I'm not entirely sure that those 3 options are your only 3 options for dealing with this. It seems as though work is a major source of stress for you. You sound incredibly busy in that area. Is that somewhere you could start to lay down stronger boundaries? Can you push back a little on...

Dear NR - I'm so sad to read about all that you've been through. Pleased that you seem to have found ways to deal with it while keeping your love of life. You truly are an inspiration. I'm another who enjoyed your blog way back when I first joined the forum and was trying to figure out if...

My life is as I would dream. I have the skills and knowledge to do the voluntary work that interests me. I have paid work that fascinates me on a number of levels. Good social time. And - plenty of free time to spend as I choose. Enough money to do the things that interest me and little enough...

Yep. It is harder for stuff where you have to be there. I work in IT too and I do need to be in the office to do my job - but out of a 7 hour working day, it isn't massively important which 7 hours I work or even if I do 7 hours on any given day. So long as it all balances out over time, it's...

This is interesting. I think that the whole question of societies expectations about who we call on to help when things go wrong is interesting. I think I'm in a very good position work wise. I've had my job a long time and it's skilled enough that I'd be hard to replace. My take is that...

I think that having a wide community of friends with different interests and from different parts of life is a really good idea. Particularly as what you'll have in common with poly folks is a preference for relationship style, which isn't necessarily an indication of other compatibility for...

You sound like you have lots going on and lots to think about. It is really up to you if you want to be poly or not. People choose to do it all the time - and feel that their lives are better for doing so. Equally people choose not to do so all the time - and feel that their lives are better...