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A break sounds like a very good idea. You are increasingly expressing feelings of not trusting yourself, of not being good enough, of worrying about what you are doing wrong. You don't sound like the same you who started this blog. I wonder if some of it is a perfectly normal response to...

This is the sort of behaviour that I see you describe in Prof that I believe is very much about reigning in your independence. I'd guess that Prof feels a little inadequate that he cannot keep up with your appetite for sex and that he wishes he were more into the sort of BD interactions that...

This is lovely to read about, starlight1. It makes me feel inspired/reassured to read these stories and to know there are different options if my life were to change again.

Thanks for posting, KC43. Really heartening to read about your journey. I wish you every luck in getting to where you want to be. :)

I read your blog often and find it inspirational. I love how you live your life, look for what you want, care for your children and still manage to study. Prof sounds to me like a rich, older bloke who is used to getting what he wants out of life. Your accounts read like he is threatened...

Hey Emm *waves back* :) I have a question about FWB type relationships. Do people find that age is a factor? I noticed that when I was young - late teens/early 20s - having those sorts of relationships worked really well. I enjoyed sex, had lots of companionship from those people and from...

Totally. :D I'm used to being very much a minority anti-marriage voice. Loads of my friends are married. I've been a bridesmaid several times and been at loads of weddings. I just wouldn't choose it myself. Hey JayneQ - I very much approve of the way you approach marriage. Maybe if it was...

I really feel for you. I think that you are doing everything that you can do to help your boyfriend and be clear to him how important he is and how much you are willing to change to help him. There is nothing you can do about the potential for him deciding to marry somebody else to appease...

I think I've already said that I don't agree. I have provided references for further understanding of why I don't agree that consent is the key thing. I don't really know what more I can say - it seems like an odd style for discussion to simply say the same thing again and again. Ah - okay...

I think that you are doing all you can do. You're there for him to talk to, you will go and visit your boyfriend. Whether he is having last minute jitters about moving and will get over them or deeper doubts about continuing in a poly relationship, is stuff he needs to sort out. If I...

Much of what you say makes sense. I do suspect that the poor ethics starts with marriage. Primary/secondary poly relationships may well arise out of a desire to do marriage differently. They may well suit some people very well. However, it seems to me that primary/secondary poly structures...

Your life sounds like it is perfect for you, Evie. It is lovely to read such a positive account. I was quite careful not to talk about people having choice to be secondary or not. Or about them having choice about accepting that position in somebody else's life. Choice among middle class...

PurpleSun - Thank you so much for this conversation and for sharing your painful memories and experiences. I have found this incredibly useful in helping to tease out some of my own emotional responses to thinking about poly. You are a smart woman and I'm really grateful you have taken the...

Totally agree. Deceiving people to get them into bed isn't kind behaviour. However, to put out another perspective, if somebody described themselves as wanting me to be a secondary partner, I would pretty much assume that it was fine to concentrate on the sexual side of things. I have an...

Until quite recently, I don't think I would have defined romance in that sort of way either. I have always been of the view that romance is just a way of describing sexual relationships with people who you also go out and do non-sexual things with. However, since reading a number of posts...

I agree that polyamory doesn't have to be all about sex but for most folks, it does include sex. I'll explain. If I talk about just 3 of the many important individuals in my life. Art - my boyfriend, Sausage - my dog and Amy - a friend of mine. With Art, I have romance and sex. Outside of...

Hey PurpleSun, Your story is a really great example of why labels can be problematic. Both you and your ex used the word poly to each other, each of you knowing what you meant by the word. Since neither of you imagined that another person might mean something very different by that word, you...

I think that the difficulty I feel is that labels are sometimes (often, maybe) used in a kind of one-upmanship that I dislike. It seems to me that so much of the labelling is along the lines of - "oh - getting together with other couples just for sex isn't poly, poly is more evolved." Or "oh -...

I have really enjoyed this thread. For me, it has been a welcome respite from the myriad of threads about how to fit other relationships into and around a marriage, how to convince reluctant partners that non-monogamy is a good idea, how to schedule and how to deal with the fact that whenever...

Hi JustBob, It is not at all unheard of here for parents of young or unborn children to turn up saying that their partner has now discovered that they are poly and is insisting on additional romantic relationships and big changes to previously monogamous relationships no matter what. Those...