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In answer to your question - you probably are that naive. Most people are when they are very young. Those of us who are lucky enough to live in parts of the world where we have easy access to food, water and shelter, choices about jobs, are free from threats of bombs, torture and starvation and...

Vicki - your story touched me. Such tough times to be going through. The anxiety and worry sound normal to me at a time like this. Horrible to go through but normal and not a sign of a permanent change in character or anything. You will get better and you will feel okay again. I'd see a doc...

It is an interesting thing, isn't it. I'd go further than this statement. This is just my opinion. I have nothing to back it up beyond observations from within my own life but I suspect that it is committed, romantic, marriage-like relationships that are not a thing that human beings are...

Sounds like a difficult situation. Are you sure that you and Hamish are on the same page in looking for somebody who is willing to be close to both of you? It sounds as if Hera is looking for a mono partner and as if Hamish has been at best avoiding making it clear that that isn't what she'll...

I saw it mentioned on another thread somewhere and I think it bears mentioning here. The book The Gift of Fear has lots of great advice for staying safe particularly for women. One of the main messages for women is - be less polite. Don't feel obligated to let men help with shopping, hold...

I very much agree. I think it's a great conversation. Fascinating to read about.

I do find the whole thing fascinating. I think, of course, that there is more to it than money - although I'm sure that sellers of psychiatric drugs are very happy about the growing number of psychiatric illnesses around. There is also - as LizziE points out - a feeling of comfort and...

Actually, I think that people kind of are. Especially in the US. (ref because I prefer to provide some reason for my opinion - http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/07/why-the-dramatic-rise-of-mental-illness-diseasing-normal-behaviors-drug-adverse-effects-and-a-peculiar-rebellion/ and...

That may well be the case. I would suspect that it is much more likely that an inability to communicate well is coming from both of you. Communication is a two way thing and it is very rare for one person to be fully responsible for difficulties. Maybe when things are important to you, you...

What I see is wrong with what you said is that your original statement states that for you helping out with your child would be contingent in some way on your wife agreeing to a poly relationship. I don't think that's actually what you mean. Reading what you've said above sounds as if you'd...

At no point have I sent words like 'disgusting' in your direction. Other board members have. I haven't been one of them. I am critical of the situation that you and your wife are in. I don't consider it disgusting but that does not mean I approve. I think that what you are doing is a bad...

It's true. Not a well thought out pregnancy. Had it been me I would have had an abortion. I feel very strongly about children being wanted fully by a stable family. Too damaging for them otherwise.

Just to be clear. I didn't say I wasn't critical of you. I said that my criticism didn't relate to your employment status or your hobbies or whether or not you get up off your arse and stuff. My critique is about your ongoing desire to see other women when you are due to become a father. I...

I'm not sure where you got the idea that people were critical of you because they thought. Or where you get the idea that it makes it all okay because you have a job, volunteer work, hobbies and a social life. These things kind of make it all worse. You have very little spare time to...

Really good if talking here is helping you get the thoughts out and is allowing you to be present with your wife. I very much hope that you are no longer talking to her about poly, other relationships and about your own emotional state. The time to be worrying about all of those things passed...

Hey - you're having a tough time. Sounds confusing and frustrating. I think that in your shoes the circumstances would make me unwilling to label myself as mono or poly or make any big life changes. If I'm reading things correctly? My reading is that in May of this year (about 4 months ago)...

That's not been my experience. I don't find it difficult at all to find men who can treat me just as a person. I've got a number of male friends who have been around for long enough and through enough of life's changes that if they were interested in sex with me, it would have been mentioned by...

So sorry that it didn't go well for you. :( Wow - one date and now they're in a relationship. That's fast. I think that you have every reason to feel fucked over and hurt by S2 - but, I wonder is it possible for you eventually to start to reframe your thoughts around it? Rather than seeing...

Hi Evie, I felt the same way when I was reading that stuff about empathy. :) Lightbulb moment is a perfect description.

Turning people into things I was watching TV last night and caught part of a program featuring a woman in an open relationship. As I listened to her talk about the agreements she and her husband had, I had a moment of clarity about the reasons I find romantic relationships such a strange way...