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I'm definitely working on communication lately. I'm finding that there is a mix between learning "techniques" for communication, and being aware, present and in the moment needed. For myself, I'm finding that becoming a better listener is helping me the most in communication. And lastly, for...

So I'm doing good today. I have been having some concerns and frustrations lately regarding time/energy/focus/scheduling amongst three people lately and last night it was definitely on my mind with the help of some PMS. Anyway I ended up waking up at 4:15 this morning :( with things still...

I was having anxiety about how hubs and I are relating (trying to reconnect after his long absence) which has been stilted. I started to get into my mental spiral of crap, but I sat and looked at what I was feeling, and let myself feel it, and though it was uncomfortable towards the end I...

I agree. By continuing to claim you "cheated", which after you explained what actually happend is NOT true, you put yourself in the position of the violater and Sundance as the victim. And while you two might have had other issues in which you weren't being the best partner, which by the way...

I'm finding that learning about mindfulness is helping. I'm reading Tara Brach and listening to her audio talks and they really bring home the point that most of us feel some sense of deficiency about ourselves at some point. She has an audio CD series called Radical Self-Acceptance that is...

I think basic needs like being loved for yourself, being respected, etc. are definitely more universal. But hubs and I are very much the example of "opposites attracting". Part of what works for us is that we complement each other's personality so much. An example is that he's very extroverted...

Good for you! I think not doing 20 questions right away was a good idea. Let her know you as a human being first (and vice versa), not get put on the defensive with an interrogation. Basically, if there are little discrepencies, they will come up on their own. Or maybe just knowing the two of...

I can only speak for myself in that I am definitely rooting for you! :) I just think (and I've said a few times, and so did nycindie) that you need to lay it out on the table with Sundance so it's out in the open and clear that the lying/trust thing is now a HUGE issue that needs to be dealt...

This very much explains where I've been lately, though I'm starting to really SEE it now. I could definitely feel that I wasn't who I "had been", and that the way I'd been getting through life wasn't working for me, but I didn't really know who I was going to become. I definitely feel like my...

Acceptance is something I really need to do more often. Acceptance of myself, and others, and situations. I love her. Definitely gets me to think. I'm sure I'll end up buying the Radical Acceptance book this week on my kindle. :) That thought is so freeing-- that I don't need to understand...

I like the driving idea I might just have to add that one in! He is good about not texting when we are doing stuff together. I do appreciate that a lot. And yeah... me watching TV with the girl and him playing on the computer doesn't count. I WOULD count snuggling on the couch watching a...

Thanks River. I'm feeling like I'm closer to being at least going the right direction. I'm learning a lot. Including the fact that I don't know as much as I think I do. ;) I went to tara's website and I'm listening to one of her audio talks about fear...

Interestingly, I just purchased her audio CD "Radical Self-Acceptance" this past weekend and have been listening to it. :D I really connect with what she says, and so far it is very much helping me change my mindset and get more mindful in general (something I need very badly for many reasons)...

Well the happiness discussion was enlightening for me. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14759 Basically what I want is contentment. I want to be content with my life as a whole. I think that with that contentment in place, I can weather the storms that come and go, the bad...

I'm actually not sure what it looks like concretely. There's a lot of desire for safety and security-- things I think really aren't possible in life. Yes, I do need to balance more. I definitely can't see me being so selfish that I would STOP giving, I just need to think about it more and make...

Yes, I didn't have any control over those, as well as most of the stuff that happened to me back then. That IS the basis of my issues with myself-- that because of all of that I realize I can't control outside things or other people, so I try to control MYSELF and how I handle things. It seems...

Maybe in a way I just can't relax with calm because the anvil will drop, it will drop soon and it will hurt. Don't get too used to this new school, because tomorrow we might be moving to another city and you'll have to start over. Don't trust this group of girl friends because tomorrow you...

Naming and defining emotions is tough stuff, but especially tough for men because they tend not to be conditioned to do it. Women spend lifetimes talking about their emotions and defining them with their friends so they have more experience. But often everyone can have trouble getting to the...

Interesting. It's not like I find calm boring, I actually LIKE calm, but I don't trust it. :eek: I think more what I want in my life is just calm and contentment in general life stuff. The rest-- the happy and sad and angry moments are always going to be there, but I'd like the underlying part...

My hubs is the same way. While I will go researching something if I'm interested in it, or am having issues in order to gain some perspective outside of my own head, he just goes with his gut. And his gut is sometimes not a great leader. I used to feel this way ALL OF THE TIME. And I WAS...