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To get back to Tinwen's original question, I think it would depend on what the parallel structure is exactly and why it's set up that way. Parallel poly doesn't have to mean that the metamours dislike each other or are antagonistic. It can just be a structure where the metamours don't have to...

Heh, I had a feeling this discussion would be coming... As I said in the thread with the therapist, I do think the term "lifestyle" for polyamory is harmful when it comes from a therapist. As Mags says, it is coy, vague, and othering. In the context of non-monogamy, I don't think it can be...

I think it's reasonable that you stand firm about needing one Sunday a month for DnD in which Lulu prioritizes being home to be the "on" parent. However, it also might be worth looking into having a regular babysitter that you can call when you both have plans at the same time or want to have a...

Thinking more about this...learning to frame polyamory as a "relationship structure" rather than a "lifestyle" was extremely helpful for me when I was starting out as poly and my own therapist told me she couldn't help me because she was "wasn't familiar with that lifestyle." I wasn't able to...

I can see your point, but I strongly disagree on this. Especially in the context of therapy. Calling polyamory a "lifestyle" is needlessly othering. It sounds judgmental when people who are NOT polyamorous themselves say things like "She's choosing to live that lifestyle" or "I'm not familiar...

The first thing I would advise you is that the term "lifestyle" is not helpful, largely for two reasons: 1) It implies that this couple will be living in a completely different way than "normal" people. There isn't much different about polyamorous people's actual lives. We go to work, have...

Anecdotally, people who threaten their partners with suicide if a breakup occurs, in what I've seen, usually aren't really serious about attempting suicide. It's a manipulation tactic. (And sadly, people who do die by suicide often do not give any such clear indications of their intent). Your...

I'm glad your dating life is currently so full! I didn't actually realize you were the same person from the Homesteading Triad...now I've read back through everything that happened...I am glad you were able to get out safely and quickly when things went south. Maintaining your independence and...

I think blaming your wife's "nervous system" for the problems in your first/second opening phases is...a very generous and overly kind interpretation. To me it looks like she was happy having other partners herself, but became unreasonably jealous and controlling as soon as you had some success...

To me, the vagueness in your posts/questions means that we (the forum members) can't give you advice that actually applies to your situation. I don't get what you mean by your concerns that Leaf might be "using" Wind. If Leaf potentially manipulated Wind to change his/your agreements, what does...

Why does John think Ted needs to get a girlfriend? I'm with SeasonedPoly that this sounds problematic and like John might have deeper issues going on. Does Ted himself want a girlfriend? If so, why? To explore his bisexuality? If Ted wanted a second boyfriend rather than a girlfriend, would...

I am confused who is LGBTQ in this situation? OP, are you saying that your partner wants an open relationship in order for him to explore his bisexuality, to date other men? Or that he is pressuring YOU to have threesomes with him and his female partners, when you are not bi at all?

When I first joined this board almost 15 years ago, the most common/basic poly advice was to make sure you aren't opening your relationship with the idea that poly will fix relationship problems. "Relationship broken; add more people!" was well known to be a recipe for disaster. I think that's...

I am very sorry to hear this, Tinwen. Your 30s is not too old! Leave and build your own life. You will be so happy, I promise. Plenty of women (not just poly women) have had to start over in their 30s after thinking they would have a kid with someone but it never happened. They can still go on...

Here are a couple examples of women I know who successfully dated/are still dating older poly married men when they were in their early twenties: 1) A woman I know, Aqua, has spent close to 15 years now in a very happy relationship with an older married man. It started when she was about 22 or...

OP, you sound like a kind and thoughtful person. But I wouldn't recommend a poly relationship for anyone's first ever relationship unless non-monogamy strongly appeals to you regardless of whether this relationship works out. Especially with an older married man, a poly relationship in that...

Consult a divorce lawyer ASAP. I am sorry. This does not sound like any type of joyful or healthy open relationship or poly. Telling his new partner that he is essentially planning to leave you, and to only visit and "take care of" you and the kids, is not good and not okay, even if he's just...

Your points here make sense and I agree. But for the situation you describe, I would suggest the participants think of it as more of a V than a triad. The two arms of the V can each develop separate relationships with the hinge, and if all three occasionally want to have threesomes, perhaps...

Hmm, I don't know. I always feel very sorry for K when you post about her. I find your view of her very harsh. I think it's a very big deal for a poly person to marry one partner and not the other, when both partners are nesting partners and life partners to the hinge. Especially when the...

I guarantee you that this guy will be VERY BAD at having a threesome. Bad at the emotions of it, bad at communicating about it, bad at the actual sex of it. Bad at being kind and thoughtful and mature to both you and the other woman. I suspect he can't find any other woman interested in joining...