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Of course pain can be self inflicted! The pain is still very real. I dont doubt that he has felt a lot of hurt, and is still hurting. But it is also hard to sympathize fully with his pain when he was also slowly inflicting pain and confution on me. He says that some of it it was "half coucious...

Long distance relationships can work if you get into the special rythm of visits and keeping in touch over the distance. I am in an international long distance relationship (we have spent up to a month together at a time, but usually see each other for a week). It works surprisingly well...

Transitioning from poly to mono is not easy, especially if one of you is actively dating someone else as well. There will be weird things happening with loyalty that are not easy to predict. Not sure if I have advice per se, in our case my husband found out he wanted to live mono and left our...

He was the one who suggested legal divorce. He even suggested where he could live/pay rent. He was very active in this plan. I did see he was not fully comfortable. I reassured him that it was early stage exploring. I agreed to have a child this year, because he wanted to be a father...

It did not come out of the blue. It came out of a difficult period where he had been distant and in a bad mood a lot, I had told him "you are angry for triflets, what is really the matter?" and he had gotten even more angry because I was "picking" on him. We were in a period of smoother...

Not conciously tricking. I meant that his actions and words pointed in different directions than what was really at the heart of the issue, putting up a smoke screen making it harder for me to understand him. I tried to make life better for him too - changing habits and all to please him. Even...

True, but when I asked my husband if he had any new strategies for dealing with falling for these other women he had no answers. The women pick up on that my husband are into them and tend to get jealous - they act like I am the one stealing their man. One woman declared that she was going to...

I was a little surprised as well, but I did it because she asked me to. She had none else to talk to, she did not know any other poly people and her relationship with her boyfriend was probably ending. She knew she had acted confused and hurt my husband. She said she had never been able to talk...

Replies Very few poly people here thinks or speaks like that, even those who personally prefer to dont have boundries are very respectful for people who do. I dont think he reads up on poly online that much. That could be true, but that is more pragmatic or/and a self esteem issue. He did...

No, not at all. He did not trick me, not on purpose anyway. It was all a subconcious process - but his actions did lead me on. I am not sure our relationship is forever gone. He still cares for me, he is still attracted to me, and I work on myself every day to understand him. We live apart, but...

Actually, it is not that different. We spoke yesterday. I apologized to him and said I had tried to pick of his cues, and failed in this. He apologized for not knowing himself enough and not communicating better. We are quite unisone as to why the breakup happened. He says that it is a pattern...

He did tell me, after 2 years into the new relationship, that he was not 100 % happy with poly, and with the long distance taking up a time and money. I listened to him every time he said something about it, and tried to find emotional as well as practical solutions to what he was feeling. I...

Nothing of the sort. We are not poly missionaries or think lesser of monogamy in any way. I am not a hard-wired poly; I have lived mono and liked it. Our situation was that I fell in love. He was allowed to give me rules, and I followed them, we used four years to open up, and I never pursued a...

The thing is - I COULD be happy monogamously. I have live mono before and liked it, and if I had not dated others I would not hesitate to live mono with my husband if he asked me. Obviously, it is more difficult since I am already actively dating another man that I also was planning a future...

He is free to go, I can't hold him. And we will remain friends, so our relationship will not be over. But I feel slightly tricked by the situation of him not telling me real reasons and giving me choices.

I have told my husband that my main issue with potentionally dropping my boyfriend for a future mono relationship with him, is: if he does not know himself very well, and can make these mistakes (continuing to do poly for 1-2 years without really wanting to), how can I trust him when other big...

I think somewhere along the way, it gets lost that he also used to have a girlfriend, who broke his heart. I have payed for all my trips abroad. I also dont have any acess to his money; we have a joined account but none of us ever put much money there. I payed for a rental flat and my...

This was a direct response to my husband saying things like "It is hard when you are away" and "Everything would have been so much easier if he just lived in our city". He did want me to find a relocation option and admits that he said this, or at least did not stop me when I interpreted what he...

Thank you, I have not heard of poly fatigue before. It makes a lot of sense! I did use to be very much in love with another man (before my boyfriend) and I have put him behind me, we are not even in touch now. I am good at moving on, once I am certain that that is the right move. The thing...

I did. We both used be smitten with other people and we joked about being poly. Then I fell hard for another man, we dipped our toes into it a little bit, and we talked about it for 4 years before deciding to really try poly.