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What I'm wondering is what would you and your friend be trying to "win" from this relationship? You say that you are competitive with her but not exactly how you see this competition playing out. Would you be looking at ranking time (which can be doled out evenly) or looking at ranking emotions...

With all due respect, could it be that you know her better than your wife does, and maybe your take on her motivations might be valid? Most of the time, people do the best they can with what they have. If this was new to all of you, I can see how there would be a lot of missteps.

Regarding the question of if he's straight and just likes fucking guys, or if he's bi, that's really up to him to decide. The wonderful thing about sexuality is that we get to define it for ourselves. As to how to communicate what he wants from a potential sexual partner, it sounds like he has...

What it comes down to is this-- if what you previously agreed to isn't working for you anymore, it's time for you to speak up. It may mean the end to the relationship, but it may also mean growth towards something that will work better for you. How long have you been feeling this way? 3 years is...

You are responsible for you, not for him. You need to be at peace with your life and your decisions. Staying in a relationship because the other person can't live without you isn't a good enough reason to stay if that relationship doesn't build you up and bring you joy.

It's all just terminology, find what you feel fits best for you. No 2 poly relationships are exactly alike.

Focus on the now and how you're feeling. Try not to think too much about what may happen. It will make you crazy and there's very little you can do about how the future will transpire anyway. Keep talking with your partner. Talk about your hopes and dreams as well as about your fears. Be happy...

You say yourself that disablity studies aren't taught and then in the same breath expect people to know that "cripple" is an insult (when you used it yourself in another thread). Educating us in a pleasant manner will go a lot further than attacking us when we get it wrong. People who are on the...

I think everyone is entitled to what their own worst nightmare would be. It's going to be different for everyone. Saying a group as a whole is bad or less than is something else entirely, and I think that's where it crosses a line. We all have things in our lives that people would think would be...

This probably isn't going to help much but a year from now what you're going through at the moment will likely make all kinds of sense. It doesn't stop the pain of going through it though. I don't have much in the way of words of wisdom.

Change is always hard because it leads to the unknown. Maybe rather looking forward into the unknown ahead of you, you may want to look back at other scary changes and how those worked out in the end. It sucks that you have to go through it to come out the other side though. <3

I think setting some guidelines about open and honest communication is perfectly reasonable. It's like asking that he gets informed consent both from his date and from you before anything procedes beyond friendship. I have some other concerns in your situation though, it sounds to me like...

Dressing up and playing bocci ball at poly camp NW, when we all came to your first burlesque show and brought you flowers, the camping trips that you set up where we all talk and laugh deep into the night. Or even just the simplicity of knowing there's more than one person in the world who has...

I think we've all been there with that thought at one time or another. It might make for a more even life but when things are going well in poly they're really good, and I think you appreciate the good times more because the not so good times are really not so good.

Is there anything specifically that you have questions about that you would like feedback on? It sounds like at the moment everything is going really well for the 3 of you.

I'm holding those I care about in my thoughts at the moment. It's difficult to stand by and not try to help. It's not up to me to do anything though. It's not my relationship and I have to let it play out however it's going to. I've always had a hard time with not doing anything. I've been...

How long have the 2 of you been talking about poly? You say that you need boundaries to be comfortable. What are those boundaries? Have you made them clear to your fiancee? Is he comfortable with them? It sounds to me like the 2 of you need some more time talking things through before embarking...

When you say healthy and active I think what you mean is thin and attractive. Best just to spell it out like you mean it. I am healthy and active but my body isn't one that would be chosen to be on TV. I'd like to see more of a balance in the next season. I'd like there to be a more family...

I'm feeling like I'm out of sync with everything around me lately. I've been all consumed by work and getting ready for a big review by an outside agency next week. It's left me with not a lot to give in any other aspect of my life. I feel that my relationships are suffering for it (and my job...

Bring it up as "can we set a date where we can talk about where we are with our relationship structure?" hopefully he'll get it without you having to spell it out to him. Your other option is to say "I know what I am about to say will violate our DADT agreement but I need to set a date with you...