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Not "Just Friends" is a book I found very helpful in understanding infidelity, coping and healing. It really helps break down the process of both the infidelity as well as the recovery at a time when there is chaos in your own mind (or at least there was in mine) and you desperately need to make...

Good call on taking time to think. Also, the background makes it easier to understand the value you place on the relationship and why you'd want to give it your best shot. If your partner loves you and you are certain of that, are you certain you have conveyed your distress about her behavior...

Sounding good.

Sorry for multiple posts but "she needs it" is complete bullshit. Sex/relationships are not needed, sex with one or many partners is WANTED. It isn't something life essential that can't wait for you adopt in a responsible manner that is sensitive to both your needs. You need food. You want sex...

One good alternative to feeling "I'm trying to pretend everything is ok, but I feel far from ok. I'm not ready to have this relationship fall apart. Is my while life! I feel like it's slipping away." is to take charge and actively dump it. Unless you have a good description for what it is that...

This is not looking good for you. She appears to have moved on from how you describe. You can take it and be there for whatever scraps she throws you or leave it. I'd opt for leaving. I would not even consider adapting to a girlfriend while things are already bad. What basically happened was...

Agree with Galagirl that getting married doesn't sound like a bright idea for the state your relationship is in right now. You need to get your mono-poly sorted first and be in agreement about the future course both of you would want, so Starbucks having second thoughts is probably fitting for...

I am not a big believer in "equal" and "hypocritical" if not, etc. I don't think there is (or can be) a score board on who has how many relationships and who handles what well and so on. When you dated and he came to terms with it in his own way, it was one situation. It is him dating now and...

ok. This sort of poly is way out of my imagination even. Let alone experience. Adapting to 2-3 new people a week is my idea of pure hell. I can't even fathom why anyone would want to do that. Frankly, I think you can disregard my posts. I have absolutely no idea of the sexual or emotional needs...

That isn't what I said, that is what you interpreted. What I basically said amounts to "If you don't want hit-and-run sex, don't do it." This, along with your OP sounds like you get into casual sex, but want them to see it as more and take it hard when that doesn't happen. Not all relationships...

You could try avoiding sex till you have a bit of a relationship established. Probably easier said than done. Actually, you can, IMO. There shouldn't be much you can't discuss about your relationship with an intimate partner. Whether he agrees or not may be up to him, but stating your needs in...

Might be interesting to see what happens if you want "space". Either they go back to their bedroom on occasion, or you use it. Clearly you're overwhelmed from your sole social contact coming from them. This is twofold. One is the amount of constant contact with them and the other is the lack of...

Disclaimer: I'm a little OCD about these things This sounds to me that you are not comfortable yourself, living with them, receiving a disproportionate share of affection and clearly seeing it hurt another. While the relationship between your gf and meta is between them, you feeling awkward in...

So far, so good Was too much chaos in my head to say more in the last post, but we have agreed on a very clearly defined trial including mutual friends we "report" to, who will hold both of us to task if we slack off. The basic expectation is that Spexy learns to communicate functionally in a...

Talk to her openly and clearly about your feelings and needs. It will help if you have some actionable examples in mind. "I would like this to happen" "I need us to meet at least once a week. Let us tentatively plan on a default day" etc

And we are trying again. Neither of us wants to end the relationship, but both of us agree it isn't working as it is. So we are giving it another shot, with concrete daily plans and a very clearly defined set of actions, goals, etc. If it works, I expect both of us would be delirious with joy...

Absolute chaos in my head right now. It is over. Long overdue. But I am grieving. I wanted it to work. I liked him. But even burying head in sand is no longer possible. We both agree that he is not going to work on the relationship and keeping a false hope is futile. I hurt so bad I'm not...

I may be ending things with Spexy. I don't know for sure, but there is only so much that can be overlooked with an excuse of his psychological issues, particularly given that he doesn't seem to be making any particular effort to get over them either, knowing fully that I end up hurt over and...

This concerns me. Being unsure or jealous is fairly normal for the situation you find yourself in. And whether normal or not, as a person faced with profound change, there will be a necessity to take it at a pace you can handle. If she is dismissing it, in my view, it does not bode well. Add to...

Caring for someone else and not yourself isn't love, it is obsession. You can't really love someone else without loving yourself first. Or you'd just be inflicting an unhappy person on the other - not exactly an act of love, is it?