Search results

The problem wasn't that relationship so much. It was the cruel behavior of a person with very poor boundaries while under the influence of NRE with a "cowgirl" - She wanted him for herself and after spending time with her, he used to be filled with that "reality" where I was a problem, I was an...

I think in that sense I had it easy. I am not jealous by nature and I don't rattle easy. He'd had an affair and wanted to turn it poly. We had a relationship that was fairly important to both of us. I wouldn't have minded that relationship lasting, but given the conservative environment he lived...

Some kinds of meds can be absolutely necessary for normal functioning. Has she been taken off meds or has discontinued for financial reasons? It may be necessary to support her and help her realize the importance of taking them on time. Maybe get a promise from her to take them and give a call...

Agree. Also that the 2 years were largely very good and that he had from the start gone above and beyond to demonstrate his love and interest in us actively. So this uncaring behavior was starkly abnormal. Our relationship had never reached the "auto-pilot" stage. We were constantly evolving it...

A year after the affair. Almost a year after it was over. I make the most devastating discovery of all. MB (the other woman) thought spexy was monogamous and committed to us. She was a garden variety home breaker chasing spexy because she wanted him. And spexy LIKED this. Spexy liked a person...

That sounds fantastic!

Money gives power of choice. What she thinks is a priority to spend it on. Being able to count on a certain amount every month brings peace of mind in ways expenses picked up by someone else at their discretion cannot - not to deny that it isn't very helpful anyway. Please do consider my...

This post is more to speak on behalf of Spexy than about me. It is to add some things that he does not seem to register no matter how many times I tell him. It was his second sexual relationship in his life. Some knowledge comes with experience. Including how people manipulate each other. How...

I am falling in love with you, Mr. Geeky. It is so much the kind of stuff I contemplate at times (though not many other threads you started, so this is a one thread love so far) Frankly, I've never been in love without being intoxicated on it. Am not sure if it is a behavioral trait or what...

I don't know if this is a useful answer, but I've never stated my own reality as anything different from what I believed. I've told a teenage romance that he was my one happily-ever-after and I've told Spexy - my biggest, flawed and utterly irresistible love that I will never promise monogamy...

Yiiiiikes. Ouch. I don't know how that didn't register. My apologies, OP.

Good news and bad news. First the good news. You don't appear to have done anything on any front which leaves your options open to choose what is most likely to work. I'd recommend discussing the nature of love as a philosophical discussion with your trusted partner. The nature of love...

On stray note, one thing I have found very useful with checking whether Spexy is agreeing because conflict avoidant or actually agreeing is asking for further opinion. If his words sound identical to what I said, I call bullshit. If he has his own views on why something would work, okay, we have...

This is very important. I don't think it has been stressed enough on this thread (probably because of thread beginning with divorce papers), but it is worth stressing anyway as something that should be made explicit between the OP and her husband.

I don't know how serious your relationship is, so I don't know if this suggestion is suitable for you. Striking it out on your own is a very traumatic time for people. Women in general tend to have it rougher economically as well as emotionally. I have helped a lot of women exit abusive...

As someone with an extremely conflict avoidant partner who has ended up creating massive messes in our relationship at times, I am a bit wary of calling conflict avoidance a choice. I have seen this upfront and know it can be a compulsion when cornered. It isn't necessarily an honest or...

Correction below So much for truth telling. This is a direct quote from MB's email to us both - only changes are for anonymity. You have never disputed this. To her in the group email or to me, privately. You had said that after her hitting you and you finding out about her past, you were...

Spexy, your first warning ought to have been that a woman who doesn't believe in poly engaged enough with you (a man in a committed relationship - that is absolutely among the first things people discover about you) to create a stage for proposing an open relationship based on "what you already...

I was surprised to find that the worst night of the episode didn't make it to the narrative. Adding it here, mostly because it hurt me. The night MB got violent with you was the night you had again gone out of contact at a time when you usually visited her. Except, you had told me over and over...

In a bad place these days. Ever since spexy has decided to finally tell the truth about his affair last year, and the various lies he told me about it, I have been in turmoil. He has published one post - the beginning of the mess. I have discovered one lie I've been told for the last one year...