Search results

TI'm tired of talking at cross purposes with you. You talk about risk as an absolute. As if your view on the risk is the only one that matters. I'm talking about risk tolerance. And each person has their own. We may all be fully up todate on all the science about STI transmission, and STILL...

Djinn and Mal were sometimes swingers. She suggested to Mal that he might proposition me. Turned out to be more emotional rather than just sexual, which none of us expected. All three of us are now, 11 months later, struggling though what that means.

I think, Mightymax, this comes down to you thinking that Aladdin makes the first decision (reduce partners/not) but I think that Djinn makes the first decision (barrier free sex with Aladdin or Mal). Because to my mind if Djinn picks barrier free sex with Aladdin as being the more important one...

Find a grave is great :) My mom is really into it. Enough that I don't bring her gifts back from a trip, I bring back a few hundred pics of headstones for her to catalogue and upload, lol. She loves it! We've done a number of complete graveyards in Hometown as well as in...

I think that is how it works in YOUR poly group. I don't think that is how it works in most other people's. And certainly is not how I would feel comfortable. I have no intention of discussing Djinn and Aladdin's sex life with them AT ALL. They are not my partners. This is not a "group...

Again: No one is 'banning' Aladdin from anything. And no one is shaming anyone for having multiple casual partners. No one is asking ANYONE to change their behaviour at all if they don't want to. Not having barrier free sex is not a right, and stoping having barrier free sex is NOT a punishment...

I actually don't, I think he's a pretty responsible person, who wouldn't put his partner at risk without cause. But that's not actually the point. And I DO think that sex even with condoms is not risk free, and that as nycindie said testing once a year is not enough. Multiple hookups - condom...

Mal has known Aladdin just as long as Djinn has (years). He current lives in their basement suite. They work together on and off. It's not like he's judging some stranger or someone he doesn't know well. He respects Aladdin, but... It's not enough. You (and Djinn) can take that any way you like...

I agree. I hope Djinn calms down and starts understanding that. And that the underlying communication/disregard for others rights problem gets worked on some more. This 'assuming' we know what each other means thing clearly isn't working so well. For now, I'm working at being 'just a Metamour'...

1. No one is being punished. Mal is asserting his right to be safe - by HIS definition of safe. It's his body and he gets to decide how he wants to risk it. 2. It is not gender based at all. There is no sexism here. There is probably some ageism. Mal doesn't trust Aladdin because he is a 24...

My biggest age gap was 22 yeas when I was 18. Mal is the only one younger than me and it is only by 8 months. Actually he's the first one within 5 years of my age, and I like it. But I've always been attracted to men in their 40's, so I wonder what will happen when I'm not in my 40's any more...

So apparently their last conversation ended with Mal asserting that he was not going to have barrier free sex with her unless she is tested too, and uses a barrier method from now on with Aladdin. Her response was that she didn't want to use barriers with Mal, but she want going to give up...

Agreed, I said it that way because I know Mal is not ok being fluid bonded with her while she is fluid bonded with someone who has other partners. In the unlikely event he decides that is ok, for me it's a choice of yes or no to penetrative sex with Mal because I'm allergic to everything. So he...

Maybe. But everyone knows that I don't have any other partners, whereas Aladdin does. We'll have his results back before we have a chance to have sex again, but yes, I totally agree. And I totally agree with this too (except that it was MAL who should have been more explicit in his desire...

Well, bit of a shock tonight... Mal told me that Djinn and Aladdin have not only still been having sex, but that they have been having unprotected sex in spite of multiple conversations between Mal and Djinn about being safe being a priority. This has been going on for months, and probably all...

One for me too. Two would be interesting, and a scheduling conundrum!

Feeling good today! My meds are finally at the right level and I'm past all the 'acclimatization' days. AND Djinn invited me to their house for 2 weeks this summer. One while she is home, and one while she is away for work! It was looking for a while there like I wouldn't get to see Mal or...

You are so right, but in her 'busy season' at work she won't talk about it at all. She is 100% into work stuff and 'barely surviving' other stuff (like parenting). She totally refuses to discuss relationship things right now. I've pretty much decided that it is Mal's problem to deal with. He's...

Don't know why I'm still here, but here I am. Djinn is no longer worried about Mal/I because it "doesn't exist". Not sure if that is that the relationship doesn't exist (in her mind, which would be bad) or the anxiety doesn't exist (which would be good). Can't tell. And she is so one-track...

"She has the pink toenails." <--- best thing I've read all day :)