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Ya, but we are ldr, so once a month for 3 or 4 days is actually a lot. Mal and I had actually talked in January about that it was a lot even for us. It's fun getting on a plane every month, but it's exhausting too.

She certainly tells both he and I that she is happy that he is happier, and that she and I are closer. And thinks that they would be divorced if I wasn't involved with them. But then also says (to him, not me) that she is sure that one of these times he's not going to come home from a visit with...

Yes. Though I'm less sure of that today than I ever have been. Actually, I think that the best way to do that imight be to break up sooner rather than later. But I don't want to hurt him either.

She said she is exhausted by all the emotional processing. That since he told her he was 'falling in love with me' in January that it has been a constant escalation with another 'new thing' to deal with all the time. That it started as a sweet escape, and turned into a full on poly V with all...

I've been under the belief that if she said she was ok that she was. She says that she kept offering time for us to spend together because she thought we wanted it and she wants us to be happy, but she wasn't really ok with it. That she was trying to be the 'perfect poly partner'. But that she's...

I thought your story was lovely :) we forget when we're older that feeling of being 'caught'. Kevin's description is perfect, lol :)

Google tells me that one of the tribe/tangle/networks on that 'married and dating' show call themselves a pod.

Had a few pretty big discussions about our relationship(s) this weekend: We discussed this idea I had a few posts back about being an emotional triad even though we are 'technically' a 'V'. It struck true from Djinn and Mal too, so we are going to make sure that we prioritize the me/Djinn...

Ugh. Double post. Sorry.

Kevin is right, that sounds like NRE to me. Everything we did in the first few months of Mal and my relationship felt 'right' and like it couldn't be any other way (all night phone calls - literally until 5am! - and visits and ... well, for all that we were TRYING to be reasonable, we just...

I do too, as does my metamour, thankfully our partner is a secure type. So when both of us are convinced he'll leave us for the other one he kindly but firmly tells us otherwise. He's committed. He's staying the course. He won't lie to either of us about the commitment he feels to the other just...

Spent the whole day today camped out on the couch with Djinn. Long talks putting the world to right. And then the evening with all three of us curled up watching movies together. Once again the lead up was crazy making but the actuality is easy and comfortable. It is wonderful. :)

I feel equal to Djinn. I sure didn't at first, and I, too, was caught up in the 'they share a house and finances and kids' vs. my being long distance. But that just means that my relationship with Mal has a different shape, not that it isn't as committed or as intense. He saw that potential very...

In the airport going to see Djinn, Mal and the Kids. It's my second visit to their home since all this started, but the first one with 'no distractions' (I work support services for Djinn's business when I can, but that doesn't have to happen this time). I find myself oddly nervous. Djinn has...

I cry all the time during my massages. I'm sure she thinks I'm a crazy mess, lol, but she never makes me feel judged :) I have one every two weeks. I used to think it was a luxury, but when my dad was sick and when he died it was the only thing that got me through, physically and emotionally.

Really good point, Becca!

This. I'm very aware that I need open, clear communication between Djinn and I, as well as between Mal and I (and between Mal and Djinn too, though they struggle with that sometimes). I'm MUCH more aware of it in this relationship than in any previous (mono-ish or mono) relationship, and I'm...

I think you'll find a lot of people involved in 'primary' relationships will react negatively to the word 'equality'. If you haven't already, you might google 'secondary partner bill of rights'. It works just as well as a bill of rights for 'new' partners, imo.

I think the next thing is just you keep going to therapy. I *hope* your wife goes too, but I *know* (from personal experience) that even going by yourself without the other person agreeing to participate can be transformative in your relationship as you learn new ways communicate. Changing...

Mal told his sister and mom a few weeks ago. So far there doesn't seem to be any fall out. Djinn's mom would freak out, as would mine. So we aren't planning on telling either of them. I'm estranged from my mom and brother (dad passed a few years ago) anyway, so it isn't a big deal for me. But...