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DrugAlong, I just came across this blog entry and thought of your situation. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71552 Best wishes.

@DrugAlong, GalaGirl has offered some fantastic advice. Dang, go with that. Maybe ask your husband to read her notes and see how she breaks it down? Anyway, I'd like to suggest an intellectual exercise that helped me when I felt trapped in a different type of situation. During the first 2...

@OP, The gist of some of the commenters above I am summarizing this way: you should expect less commitment and potentially a temporary relationship because you are a secondary. It's the "because" that I disagree with. Commitment can be found in all areas of life. I make commitments to my...

ClockworkDragon, I'm sorry to hear you and your husband are having (had?) such a rough time with poly and what sounds like his NRE. You are clearly hurting pretty badly. Can I ask why he broke up with *Susan? If he did it because he felt guilty for what he said to you, my heart breaks for her...

This thread reminded me of a short blog that someone resurrected. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1779 This guy took things a little further with his secret, but I believed in his good intentions and admired his willingness to take a hard look at his mistakes.

Yes, I've been there. I had a friend of 3 years. He had a more conservative/religious upbringing. He believed in monogamy. He wanted to get married and have kids soon and we both recognized that we weren't life partnership material. We were good friends, mutually supportive of the other's...

I hear you and certainly agree with the above. In my case, it's about finding a comfort level with the uncertainty in my life and living there. I am not okay with my partner maintaining a relationship with a Cowboy/Cowgirl. I do believe some concern is valid as it could easily become my...

There seems to be the assumption or comfort level that, if my partner falls in love with a Cowboy/Cowgirl, that my partner will not change (much), and will at some point end the relationship if the CB/CG persists in his/her want for monogamy. What if that's not what happens? What if the...

Aaand, 7 entries down from the first entry by Neon Kaos on the Master Thread (the link I included above) is nycindie's compilation called "Threads about determining if polyamory is for you, and how to discuss it." Good luck!

@theresnoquestion, you're in a good forum to start. Try the "Golden Nuggets" page sticky. You'll see a thread on book recommendations there. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1830 Also try tag searches for any terms that interest you. I think you'll be surprised at how many words...

Note of appreciation I'm really enjoying your blog. Yeah, as a single secondary, it has lots of issues in it that I can identify with, yadda, yadda. :) But I also love your writing style. Thanks for sharing your life stories and humor!

Funkyj, I'm a little late to this thread, but I wanted to make a suggestion. Please don't judge yourself too harshly on how you feel about this particular potential relationship. Try not to make a universal conclusion about yourself and where you may or may not fit in a poly situation out of...

::Hugs:: Instead of framing this as a "bad" thing, it might help to frame it in your mind as "change." Lots of change is hard. All sorts of life events can bring about change. Change can cause growth. Change can be neutral or good. My guess is, since you and he are married and make a good...

If you have kids, I suppose this doesn't apply. Someone posted this video on another site and I really liked it. How to be alone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs Like any practice, it takes some time to get used to and then get good at.

Hey ManofDiscovery, I am following up on WhatHappened's question. Can you expand on what you meant by a committed relationship, and how you present that when you are introducing yourself and your type of poly to someone you like? (@JaneQSmythe - thanks for sharing. Your answer surprised me as...

Thanks for posting that, Emm. I got more from it than I was expecting. Since I am not "hard-wired" poly or mono, I can relate to how both sides feel. I understood and could get invested in most of the arguments. Reading it, I felt like a tennis player playing a full court game by herself. It...

@understanding101, I read your original post and checked back to see how the discussion was going. I am very interested in the topic of how poly can seem/feel to non-poly family members. It was brave of you to post and I applaud that you were open-minded enough to join a forum and be vulnerable...

Hi Kemie, I think your best bet for finding a longer term secondary is to be explicit in your questions the way GalaGirl suggested. Or look for a secondary who already has a primary and therefore is less likely to miss the aspects of a relationship that a primary can provide. I wonder if some...

I am right there with Seamus. I hate NRE. I make stupid decisions, but I don't seem to be able to stop myself. I take risks I know I wouldn't otherwise take. My emotions are more labile. I get anxious. I'll cry over small insecurities. I'll worry I've said the wrong thing in my eagerness, or...

I'm with AnnabelMore. I don't understand why you are in a forum created to support multiple loving relationships asking how to set up your relationship in a way that specificially excludes polyamory. I'm here to support love regardless of relationship structure, not to figure out ways to protect...