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I think the "inborn preference" can be a bit more than being comfortable. For example when a gay man has had a lot of exposure to women, but his penis has never gotten hard when in the company of a woman no matter what they do together. Can he choose to marry a woman and stay with her all his...

Thanks for sharing sterling! Just wanted to let you know that I am following your blog!

I do not have an aversion to labels and I do not consider them as cruel as long as the people I am labeling do not object to them. I use the labels of secondary and primary simply because I chose to use these labels. I like the labels. They work for me. To me- calling it bullshit was...

Secondaries are not less important to me. We just have different roles in each others lives. My point to you is - don't judge. The good thing about poly is everyone gets to do it the way they want to do it. If you don't want to classify your relationships that way- it's fine, but don't...

You don't play the whole primary secondary BS game because you don't have a secondary. I play the primary secondary bullsh*t game because I choose to play it. I choose to have a primary and I choose to have secondaries and the relationships are very different. My relationships are sacred to...

Girlfriend material Thanks for sharing and I am sure you will get a lot of good feedback here! I would encourage you to answer these questins. What do you consider to be the qualities of a secondary girlfriend? What do you consider to be the qualities of a primary girlfriend? What would...

Guilt Guilt is an emotion that occurs when a person believes that they have violated a moral standard that they themselves believe in. So- although guilt is an emotion- beliefs are thoughts. You are responsible for forming and periodically revising your own beliefs about moral...

I can share a relationship configuration I am a part of. Me and my SO met a couple 3 years ago. She is bi and was interested in having a woman in her life. I was looking for a girlfriend too at the time but my SO and I were meeting a lot of people at the time, and to be honest we had certain...

If I were in that position, I would simply plan a social event for the four of us. I like to take action. Just do it. If you think you might like a quad- plan a quad date and invite everyone with enthusiasm!

Are you sure? How can you be so sure? Why are you here? This is a poly site. We are people who are having relationships with multiple loves. Having multiple loves and figuring out a way to deal with this in real life is what we do. Do you want her to find "that person" because everyone...

I would like to know more about that, if you are willing to share.

Poly Drama Interesting thread! I'm going to jump in with some of my thoughts, I am sharing this based on the view of a couple considering themselves as the primary relationship. One of the phrases that is used a lot on poly dating sites is "no drama" meaning- we are looking for a partner...

Well, I'm glad you are here. You will be able to gets lots of support here. I understand about the "I'll deal with it when it's an issue" mindset. So now it is an issue and you are dealing with it by reaching out to others that understand! The fact that this is your first relationship is...

This could be one of those cases where you think, think, think about what might happen- but it might be better to let all the thinking go and just "do it". Just meet her and see how you like one another. See how your guy handles things. He is the one that wants the three of you to spend time...

So I'm assuming, since she moved across the country to be with you, you feel like you have to stay with her? How long had you two known one another when she decided to move across country to be with you?

Welcome Welcome to the forum! There are lots of supportive people here! I have a few questions which might help me and others understand the dynamics better. I don't know your age, which isn't really that important, but how many relationships have you been in? How many relationship endings...

Wow! That's awesome! Glad that made sense to you! You are taking that first step in being a stronger person by being here talking about what you want! You do have a basic vision of how you want your life to be and it seems like you are pretty clear about it. What can you begin to do now...

That's probably why you aren't in a co-dependent relationship. It takes two people a lot of time, energy and a real (often subconscious) commitment to create a dependency like that.

Sounds like you want one thing (freedom to enjoy emotional relationships as the opportunities arise) and you have made decisions which have put you into the opposite scenario (participating in a co-dependent relationship with a partner where you have merged your living environment and your...

On denial Marcus- I didn't want to hijack the thread so I posted a reply at my blog! http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=221132&postcount=105