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Denial Quote from Marcus "While I do find denial (willful ignorance of reality) to be an unhealthy trait for the most part, that wasn't the point I was trying to make. I was merely stating that DADT is a state of willful denial. That's not a value judgment, just a rational assessment of the...

LOL :D I was in AA for 20 years and the topic of denial was talked about a lot. One day I realized that some denial is necessary for our survival. If all denial were immediately removed from the planet, everything would fall apart within hours, like a house of cards. That said, I am...

Of course there are a lot of other possibilities on the scale. For example, you may not be interested in being social with the OSO, but want to hear all the details of the relationship, emotional and sexual; or want to know about the emotional part, but not the sexual part; or want to know...

Part of the issue is that you have set the relationship with your SO up as a situation where your see each other "all the time". One thing you could do is put the secondary relationship on hold all together and re-structure your relationship with your SO so that you are not together all the...

Welcome! Sounds awesome and congrats to the three of you! I hope everything works out for you! You will find a lot of support here! I wish I would have met a guy like you after I left my lesbian lover! Maybe the three of us would be together! But now that I've gotten a taste of variety, I...

Hello and welcome to the forum! I am hearing two things in your post. "Intensity" and "the amount of time spent with a new partner" and I'm not sure if they are the same issue. What does "intensity" mean to you? Does it mean getting swept away in an emotional tornado of feelings and...

Welcome to the forum! You will find a lot of support here! Wow! You have been through a lot! I hope you find comfort here. The majority of people in this culture do not understand polyamory. I guess it's best to keep it confidential for the most part. If you need validation for your...

I got involved with a couple a while back and I didn't realize that I was the only woman (other than his wife) that he had been involved with. I liked them as a couple, but eventually it came out that he was insecure, needy etc. Once I began to back away from them because of the drama that...

When I was 53, I met a young woman in her 30's and she told me about poly. It was the first time I had ever heard the word. That was in November 09 and by May 2010 I was active in the lifestyle. The reason poly works for me is because I get to do poly and work it in a way that is...

Sometimes there is an (unconscious) idea that NRE will evaporate or disintegrate when subjected to healthy boundaries, but I have found that the healthy boundaries will support the NRE and can extend its life.

Hello and welcome to the forum! I am in a relationship (for 10 years) with a guy and we have also had the fantasy of finding a woman that could share in our relationship! So I understand your desire! In fact, that desire is what brought us into the lifestyle! After 3 years of searching and...

I get that! I thought I was picking that up in your post! There are times when I just overlook things like that- let the guy pump up his own ego for a while- after all- this too shall pass, right? And (I don't know about you) but my guy has to put up with some of my ego stuff too. On...

No scientific method here either! But after being involved with a person or couple for a certain period of time, the drama is going to come out - if there is going to be any. In theory, swingers don't have to deal with drama as much because they aren't as focused on the relationship part of...

There is an art to enjoying NRE and allowing it to last and last! Recognize it for what it is- it is infatuation and it is very common! It usually lasts between 6 to 18 months. It can turn into an obsession if not managed. An obsession can reek havoc on everyone involved and the relationship...

You are acknowledging that he does have an ego, so apparently you are used to dealing it. This could be a small thing and something easy to blow off- knowing "that's just like something he would think and say"! Or- something like this could be the straw that broke the camels' back. If you...

Welcome to the forum! I love the concept of "Trust the Process". And that can be difficult - no matter what you apply it to. What do you consider "the process" of poly to be? As far as talking about other relationships- not sure if that is a mono or poly thing. Some people are just more...

LOL- yes- suggesting someone is a swinger is frowned upon in poly circles. I identify as poly in some circles AND as a swinger in other circles. I actually have more relationships with people who identify as swingers. The interesting thing about labels is that poly people are supposed to be...

Welcome to the forum! I have never been married, but I did engage in strictly monogamous relationships all of my life. I was about 53 when I began to identify as polyamorous. I don't see myself ever going back. I am currently dating 2 married couples. One couple has been together for 35...

Welcome to the forum! I've been getting support here for about three years! It is so helpful to get feedback form others- some more experienced and some just starting out. We are all so different and there are so many ways to approach the lifestyle! Sometimes there is a motivation based on...

Meeting people online takes patience. I met my SO online 10 years ago. I have a lot of friends and lovers in my life and I have met most of them online- on various types of sites. These are my thoughts about it. Take a lot of time to write your profile and tweek it as needed. Some people...