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Some of us have problems putting thoughts into words. I know that I often run my posts past DH or DC so they can see if it makes as much sense as I think it does in my head. So I get that babbling happens. (I am horrible and being concise sometimes!) However, it's actually a really REALLY...

There's a lot I could say about how you start to work on those inner feelings. It's not something he needs to fix, but you. You need to think about why you feel certain ways, and get to the root of it. Mono or poly, there is something wrong with crying for days because your partner can't sleep...

I'm sorry, I have to disagree with the post so far. It is not disrespectful to explain that if you live in a separate space you can't 'have him' 24/7. First of all, no one should feel as if they own anyone else. That's a big red flag there, for me, as it is. Honestly, the post screams red flags...

Which goes back to the thread discussion on privilege. Believe me, just as tired of this couple centric attitudes as anyone else but it does start to get pervasive. To the point where people bristle at couples, period. I get that a lot of it is probably new people that are worried about...

For the record, I do understand what you mean about being private. While many people are more out, as I am, others aren't. Neither my DH nor my BF are out to most people in their lives, for reasons that range from work reasons to just not being the type to share their private lives. It does make...

I had to google that too. Even being in the LGBT community I hadn't really heard it. Maybe it's because the LGBT people I know that are poly or I talk to poly about talk about it in the same terms I'm used to. Triads, primaries, anchors things like that. Also, even the gay men I know in...

If you aren't concerned, then just make sure he knows you are not worried. I had a bad experience with a woman who was not okay with her man having NRE and getting it up easier with me than with her. There was lots of catty behavior and hurtful underhanded things going on, and I was left...

Ooooh, are we doing themes? I choose iambic pentameter next! I do agree though, it's actually kind of juvenile, to me anyway, to say things like, "I wish I never loved again!" or, "I wish I could close off my heart!" I say juvenile because that's where I see it. Teenagers. I still roll my eyes...

Okay, slow down, breathe. First, you are going to want to talk to Ben. There's some issues that are a little more pressing. Try some Non Violent Communication to help it go smoothly, accusations will start everyone on the wrong foot. Let him know that you want him to be able to be honest...

I'm going to try and answer what I think are the questions you are laying out. Poly is different for a lot of people. However, I don't think you should put a label on poly people just because of the particular person you have run into. I have seen this before. "I'm dating A and they are poly...

I am the hinge in a V, and the funny thing is, I only get frustrated a bit with the 'closet' issue, and only with bf. Dh and I are pretty much out, as far as kids and my side of the family. We don't really interact with bf's side much, as he has lost most of his family through the years. He's...

Sadly, booting out doesn't work much in this economy. We still tell the kids we are going to do it, or even get a houseboat and sail away so they can't find us. They know though, that we are (mostly) kidding and if they need to live at home for a few more years for community college and...

Why do you assume it would hurt someone? Ending it will probably hurt him? It makes it seem like you are only willing to be in a relationship with him if you can have him all to yourself. I know I have also worried about if BF finds a woman to date and wants to be serious, settle down have...

I get being hyper-aware. I have joked with DH about it myself. I grew up being responsible, overly so. My mother wasn't. I was, for everyone, for everything. And the smallest change in her tone could mean the difference between tears and pain. I've had to learn that being hyper-aware isn't...

I totally understand the whole limbo thing-- it's scary! I honestly don't think that's why you've been getting the reactions you've been getting. I know you've said you are very self aware, but no one is so self aware that they know how they are perceived by others all the time. From my POV...

DH and I just had this discussion. The whole 'secondary' thing. It gets frowned on and a lot of times for good reason. DH and I are together and BF and I are together. However, we don't like calling BF secondary. We couldn't figure out how to explain that my emotions are not ranked! So the...

I hear a lot of "This is what I know about polyamory, and he doesn't know as much as me" going on. I'm not sure that's helpful. I would suggest you both doing research. There are lists here of good books to read, threads to check out, blogs. Most of these are just guidelines. It's really up to...

Well, talk about a snotty holier than thou retort! Perhaps you've been here too long and have no been indoctrinated. I'm open to people that want to learn. I was new here too, and believe me, I got more than an earful as did DH when we joined. However, rather than taking offense that things...

Oh I have gotten read the RIOT ACT, for disagreeing on what it means to use the terms Secondary, Poly, Primary, and others. Mostly it seems to be really really sensitive to anyone in anything resembling hierarchical relationships and if you attempt to give any other definition of hierarchy then...

Sadly yes, and they are an over enthusiastic bunch. Actually deciding that because they come up with a definition of a word that works for their poly group that it is now THE definition. I don't say that the definitions I use are the ones everyone must use, only offered as example as what...