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Thanks fuchka! Yeah, therapy has been a huge help. :) I've got news! So after a looong conversation, the five of us decided to go for it, rent a house together. It's pretty exciting, although also very nerve-wrecking. But I feel like I want to make it work. Me and Dahlia are getting closer as...

In other news, I've been talking to a few people on OKC and I have one date set up for next week. There's also another one that might happen, and then this third one I just started chatting with yesterday but I have a good feeling about her already. She wrote me first, which I was really happy...

Okay, relating to my last post, we now have a plan. We're going to discuss it in detail later this week, but here's the gist of it: me, rory, Hank, Dahlia and Dahlia's other partner Eddie would all live together. That sounds pretty complicated on paper, since there are 3 on-going romantic...

Things continue to go really well with rory living in his old room again. He has a plan for potential income as well, so maybe this will become a semi-permanent situation again. But that remains to be seen. At the same time me and Hank are dreaming of a bigger poly household with friends. I'd...

My therapy has finally started. That makes me very happy. :) Now I can keep my thoughts about rory mainly between me and my therapist and I don't have to involve Hank in them. Will decided to move out of our place. Me and Hank are now trying to figure out what to do next. We'll probably try to...

Argh, another turn of events. Dahlia broke up with rory. But they continue to live together. In fact that was one of the reasons for the break-up; Dahlia said that she'd find it easier to live with rory and help him if they're not romantically involved. The day before the break-up I had a...

Thanks for your comment, fuchka, always nice to hear from you! :) Rory has been away for a week, and we've been getting used to the new normal. It's been peaceful. I feel like I've gotten a decent amount of alone time with Hank, which has been lovely. It's not crowded in the house. I've enjoyed...

Me, Hank and Dahlia spent an evening together recently, for the first time. It went really well. She seems like a lovely person and a good fit for Hank. :) The next day we had a party at our place, and Dahlia was obviously invited as well. She asked me privately if there are certain PDAs that...

Continuing the thought from the last paragraph of my previous post: Hank has actually been really good so far in dealing with two partners. He has taken my needs into account nicely and we haven't had less sex than before. I'm still a little worried about that because his general sex drive is...

I'm still in Home Country. I spoke with Hank on Skype yesterday. He told me that him and Dahlia have decided to start calling each other partners. So that happened. I'm really glad for Hank, he seems so happy. :) I've been quite peaceful while I've been away. I feel totally fine with Hank's new...

Thanks PinkPig, Nadya, fuchka and starlight1 for your kind words! It's been difficult, living with my ex and trying to process the break-up at the same time. Our friend Will moved in a couple of weeks ago, into rory's room. After that rory has been sleeping on a mattress in the kitchen and...

Yesterday I tried talking to Hank about mine and rory's break-up and its reasons, and he got upset because I was "venting about one of his best friends". So I've basically reached a point where I feel like I can't talk to Hank about this at all. He either takes things I say as signs that these...

Thanks for the sympathy, RainyGrlJenny. Damn this is hard. Breaking up from a relationship that was such a big part of my life for a long time. And when we got back together a year ago, I swore to myself that if we ever broke up again, I would not get back together again. So I know this is the...

Thanks opalescent. I read through this journal from the beginning. I started it when me and rory got back together and I named it "Mya's search for balance" because that's what I hoped to achieve with rory and others. Instead it's been a year full of disappointments, heartbreak, break-ups and...

I just broke up with rory. :( :( I felt freer for a couple of days and then the anxiety and guilt came back. I just need more emotional distance than what queerplatonic partnership felt like. I need to be able to feel like I'm helping him because I want to, as a good friend, not because I need...

So, things just took an interesting turn. We've asked Will, rory's ex and mine and Hank's friend, to move in with us temporarily. Will and rory dated quite briefly about a year ago, and their relationship ended amicably. We knew that Will was moving out of his current place anyway, so that's...

Thanks for your comment, RainyGrlJenny! Yeah, I think it's the same for me. Well, obviously, based on these recent feelings. It's not something I've really noticed before. And I really like that there is a term like queerplatonic for something in between friends and partners which is not FWB...

So me and rory had a conversation yesterday. I said that I think my feelings towards him have shifted a bit. They are less romantic now than they used to be. But not like completely gone or anything. It was a strange conversation that felt a bit like breaking up, but mostly just...taking a step...

Things are not great with rory at the moment. :( He continues to feel depressed and unable to work. All three of us are worried about money. I feel like me and rory are spending too much time together now that he’s not working and doesn't have other partners, and I feel like I’m forming a too...

I've seen Ash twice after my last post, both times at a party. First one was a party at our place. He had agreed to come to that one before we stopped dating, and he did ask me if I still wanted him there. I said I did, so he came. He stayed over, and so did Ben. That was quite interesting. We...