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I'm not married either, but I assumed that the use of the word "spouse" in the thread title was just reflecting an assumption that everyone is married instead of a specific disinvitation for unmarried people to comment.

I do this IRL somtimes; it's like asking, "Is there anything I can say that would make you change your mind?" in a disagreement. Sometimes it's helpful, because you might get around the idea that someone has to win the argument, and instead try to re-focus on moving things forward. Sometimes...

What's changed?

Emotional cheating? Well, it's judgemental, in that there is a judgement there, but I don't know why that's a problem. Not all relationship agreements are equally healthy, and not all relationship agreements come from a place of security and a lack of jealousy. I don't think that we need to...

Sure. I mean, I imagine that really heavy-handed moderation would change the culture a lot, but I don't have any reason to believe it would be for the better, and at that point we're sort of talking about some entirely different hypothetical forum instead of this one. That said, I don't think...

Specific points of disagreement There's a lot in this thread, especially as it became a meta-discussion about the forum instead of about YGirl, that I felt like responding to. I was going to write this long analogy about a team project, and how weird it would be to accuse a dissenter of...

This thread presents a very formalised ettiquette for expressing interest in someone's spouse.

I'm interested in the details of my partners' lif/ves, so I'd "want to know" anything that was on their mind. I suppose I'm also somewhat curious about what other people think of anyone I'm involved with, but I wouldn't say that I "want to know" if someone else is interested in my partner...

Analogy can be useful, but... So... one of Franklin's essays uses the child/romantic partner analogy to explain why having a different romantic relationship doesn't make breakups less painful. I think the analogy works well there. But I don't find it very helpful in explaining polyamory in...

The above is one reason why I don't think that's always good advice, and have a hard time imagining my ever suggesting it as a rule.

Labels aside, this is a good thing to know about oneself, and a perfectly valid thing to want and work towards in one's life. I'm especially glad that you are distinguishing this from identifying as bi-. It's worth noting that many people have not had great experiences being in these kind of...

And I thought that I had scheduling challenges.

I don't think those two things are compatible. Bob is expecting to be married to someone who is in love with him and him alone. That's not you. It's not fair to him to let him enter a marriage under false pretenses. If you give up your relationship with John for the sake of going through...

It doesn't sound to me from your story that she's waffling; it sounds like she's pretty clear that she would prefer a monogamous relationship and is putting up with the minimum possible amount of openness that keeps you going. I think that the interesting question here is "Why are you...

Well, rest assured that I'm not in a bad marriage! I think that the scenario is a little more complicated than my presentation above, because there is also one's own ability to love that's part of the equation. That doesn't really change my answer though; if I found myself unable to love...

I suppose that I'd just ask my spouse to describe their relationship with the person in detail, without relying on categories. I've certainly experienced having mismatched definitions, such as Quath suggests, cause some minor miscommunication. That said, I'd expect to know a lot more about my...

Can you maybe expand on this? I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. For example, if biology were to reveal that there is no genetically discernible difference between people who prefer to be in poly- relationships and people who prefer to be in mono- ones, would that be "morally...

I'm pretty sure it is, so I was predisposed to agree with the essay. I suspect that this paradigm has sprung up because there's a way in which polyamory as a movement has modelled itself somewhat on the LGBT movement, where a retreat away from the "choice" argument looked like a powerful...

I enjoy being in romantic relationships, so I don't think of being in more of them as really having a "downside". That said, scheduling can sometimes be a pain. I'm not sure how to answer this question. If I somehow knew right now that I would never fall in love with anyone new for the rest...

I'm sure that a number of other people will give good advice or pointers to resources. I suppose there's a way in which that's true. Any adult who relates to another human being is going to have to deal with annoyance, embarassment, frustration, jealousy, etc. sooner or later, no matter how...