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Great question! Yep! I imagine that if that person got met, you'd suddenly be in an unfortunate position of someone wanting to renegotiate the rule and the other person having to play rule enforcer. Why go there? I don't think anybody should be "inflicting" anything on their partners...

That's a really strong reaction! Your wife has made friends with someone she's attracted to, and when things started to go past friendship, she stopped when you told her you weren't okay. So... what's going on here? Is this about worrying that you're in danger of losing your wife? What's...

Hm, this thread got weird. I'm not sure why; lots of people post here with what sound to me like much more... challenging situations than this. Well, T does have an agenda -- a romantic relationship with you. I don't see how honour has anything to do with it, and I don't know why you would...

Two opposing responses I agree that the problem is with the people who act weird about something that isn't hurting them in any way, but I guess I think of it as a problem for us, since we then have people acting weird, which isn't fun. Propast, how bad was the disapproval you were getting...

I think Karma gets this exactly right. The only specific risk here is for someone who doesn't know any other way to end a relationship other than leaving for someone new. I don't imagine that describes very many people doing polyamory.

Introduce them to everyone you're dating. In your case, introduce your new interest to your wife and her boyfriend. This depends on the situation, I'd say. I agree with Propast that, in general, the earlier the better. People who are "scared off" by poly- relationships aren't good people for...

Suggestions I assure you that there are people out there interested in dating people with those qualities. Is this really true? If I didn't hang out and socialise with friends regularly, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have much luck meeting people to date. Maybe it's time to go looking for a...

Reaction from third parties If I find myself not being as affectionate with someone as I would be if someone I'm involved with wasn't in the room, I think of that as a warning sign that there is an issue that needs working out. Oddly, the most challenging thing about affection when I have...

I suspect that if enough time goes by, y'all will need to start looking up some more numbers in Latin. What I mean is that I doubt that there is anything magical about the number 'two'. Don't indulge this feeling. None of this is about D, he doesn't deserve to have his friend demand that his...

Mono, Hmm... This strikes me as not only strangely dismissive, but also kind of unimaginative. Like, if I was dating someone who told me that they had a sanctified piece of furniture, and that because that piece of furniture was sanctified that we couldn't have sex on it, I would definitely...

Redpepper already pointed out, and I agree with her, that this sounds more like misogyny than anything else. I'm not sure that the problem here is a difference in "poly models", so much as it is a difference in "how to treat human beings models". He's treated you badly by ignoring safer sex...

I've never had a particular piece of furniture come up as a poly- negotiation, but, well, it's clearly come up for you, so talk to Pru. To make this stuff work, one has got to be able to talk to one's partner about pretty much *anything* without fear of offending them. I don't know that it...

Oh sure, I'm aware that it's pretty common to meet people online these days, and I have, in fact, met someone through an email list. I tended bar for a couple of years, so it'd be kind of weird if I hadn't managed to meet anyone that way. The gist of what I was getting at, but didn't manage to...

Yep, and pretty much since I started dating. Yeah, I've always met people the same way most people do (I think). I've certainly met people at bars, but never through a dating site, and never through any organised public poly- event.

FWIW, I don't see the dis' either. I'm not sure that I understand the problem here at all, actually. You describe the woman as a FWB to your partner. For the sake of the long-term friendship, it might be the respectful thing to do to clue her in that he doesn't see them playing together...

Yeah, it sounds like you really need to just take "yes" for an answer and, um, "lighten up". I doubt that anyone I've dated would give exactly the same response that I would to the question "What does sex mean?" and it's never been a big issue. Different people will answer that question...

What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory Send your therapist What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory and make it clear that you expect her to read it and digest it as a condition of continuing to work with her. Your therapist may not see "how compersion works...

Well, yes that does sound like something someone who is "monogamous at heart" might say. Instead of defending nonmonogamy to you here, I think that there's a bigger assumption that's getting missed. People fall in love, and have rewarding initial relationships, with people they're not...

Yeah, absolutely. My #1 in the post above is an example. My partner hasn't imposed on me a rule that I can only date people who appreciate that we're together, but I've adopted it as a guideline myself because I've discovered that not doing so results in a ridiculous mess that I don't want to be...

Rules being counter-productive I think that people make rules in relationships for two related reasons. One is to avoid having to deal with jealousy: "I agree to never do x with someone else because it makes you jealous." The other is to try to protect an existing relationship: "I agree to...