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This shit is hard man, lol. Seriously. Don't be surprised when you have such intense reactions; this probably won't be the last time you feel overwhelmed and kind of crazy.

Your wife should meet with him first, alone. Since you and her have already discussed and set boundaries, it's on her to establish them with him. Your presence might come off a little...I dunno, like a chaperone?

Well, yeah. Flashes come up at times depending on who my SO is referring to, but they do pass. I have felt compersion before though, so that was nice.

You've given the advice to yourself already! :D Let it flow is right, don't make any snap judgements, but be honest. That's exactly how anything can actively be changed, by you peeling feelings back layer by layer and discovering the cause for said feelings. And deciding what you could do...

:( I'm sorry things did not go the way you thought it would when you shared this with your friend. I can imagine how shot down and ridiculed you feel. I think as you both gain the time and chance to process how everything went, you might be able to revisit the subject with her in the near...

When either of you divulge information about your relationship in any part of the forum and people remember, I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect us not to acknowledge certain things that have already been shared going forward. That's not to say folks don't try in some ways but with you both...

I'd advise you against trying to pursue anything with someone who doesn't have enough courage to end a relationship for good, and continually makes excuses as to why things are the way they are. Just has "hot ass mess" written all over it.

You are responsible for fixing this. YOU. He cannot make you feel good enough, to be frank. That feeling comes from within. Keep fighting it. It's not healthy to get lost in something like that. Ultimatums about what kind of relationship configuration you guys are allowed to have is...

Right. And from what you've mentioned here, he's also been caught off guard by the discovery of what has always seemed to be something he was incapable of. Everybody's unearthing things, and shifting. It never comes without discomfort and pain though. Me too! I wish you would give yourself...

I was going to mention that it might be best to talk to genebean because she's a poster here as well, and it's a possibility that she could read this blog before you get the chance to bring it up to her in person.........obviously I was a little late, lol. Now, I've been in a similar situation...

No, I don't think it's fair at all. Especially being aware that a lot of people who are poly now were previously monogamous and thought that was the only way to have a valid relationship. I'm still very inexperienced polywise and I find it very off-putting and rude when I see "serial monogamy"...

Or it could be that he's closer to understanding loving more than one, because he is experiencing it. Maybe now he *gets* it?

Me three, lol. He honestly couldn't see what the problem was. "Well, you know I'm not going anywhere, and it's not like we're doing anything, so..." It took a lot for me to not shake him.

Pink, it may not make sense to you but that is how she feels. Things that we understand intellectually don't always coincide with the emotional side of things. Some of us get caught off guard seeing things like that. PA: I don't think it was meant to be disrespectful; usually when people are...

Makes perfect sense. People tell other people to suck it up in monogamous marriages and relationships all the time! Never mind that this is something you BOTH need to work through. Y'all live together and are a family for god sakes. Agreed. You know, that never occurred to me. Or maybe it...

You should just suck it up and not address how it came about? Oh please. That's ridiculous and not beneficial to anyone, not even Mono.

Thank you for posting, Nathan, and clearing up some things. I'm encouraged by all of the progress you guys have made, and how adamant you are about maintaining mutual happiness. It's beautiful to witness.

I'm glad you mentioned this, because my SO is a voyeur, and he's told me before that he'd love to see me with another guy. Nothing humiliating about it, moreso that the thought arouses him and spurns him in a competitive sense.

*hugs* I'm sorry y'all had to come to those realizations in that way. Sending positive thoughts for the processing and negotiating up ahead. There is still love there, which is awesome.

That's some of what I was getting at: your own personal expectations for how you should respond and be perceived doesn't apply to other people. It only applies to you.