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JaneQSmythe, That's all true, there are some people who have a lot of crises in life. But it doesn't really sound like that's the case with the OP's situation. It's more like "I just. don't. like. her." It's more like they just don't like each other. I see so much of that on this board...

Since you say that you and your husband aren't the types to make each other break up with other partners, I'd say you have to just not like the person. I guess I wonder why you even have to like the person in the first place? He's the one in a relationship with her, not you. And you're the...

And my answer to that is...if I have a standard for what constitutes "such and such" then that's my standard. If, by my standard's, a person is not as such-and-such as another person, then I can assess that they are not as such-and-such as another person. Doesn't mean I'm saying everyone else...

Actually, yes, I am allowed to judge "how poly" I think a person is. The same way I am allowed to judge a person as more nice than another person. We're all entitled to our opinions of how such-and-such a person is. Would you tell me that I'm not allowed to say one cook is better than...

I had a pen pal a while back (a male one who is poly) who is very, very comfortable with his two girlfriends having sex with other men. It seems not to faze him at all. But I know one guy who...it just tortures him to think of his women with another man. People are just so incredibly different.

Oh, no, I don't necessarily think all people were "at one time" in a OPP situation. Didn't mean for it to sound that way. I think some were at one time in one, and some never were.

I agree that people have a right to define their own relationships. Yet, I do think it's fair to call one couple more poly than another, or more 'truly poly' than another. There's a spectrum. The general definition of polyamory is more than one loving relationship with the consent of everyone...

Yep. That makes so much sense. No pain, no gain. I think this is one reason why I feel very poly-ready; I have a high pain threshold in general (both emotionally and physically, but more so emotionally). I don't shy away from unpleasant feelings. And maybe, just maybe, I've had enough...

I totally agree. That's why I'm bothered by the OPP. It's sexist and implicitly says that a woman doesn't matter or "count" as much as a man.

That's impressive that you two are so free about it. That's how I think it should be. I like free love that's truly free love. If it's fake free love...ugh. So how is it working out for you? I mean, you say that's your structure, but has it also manifested pretty easily as well? You're...

The thing about bisexual women is that...even if she, the bisexual woman, has a primary partner who is male and is satisfied with him, and thus, she puts herself out there as "looking for women to date" (both because she'd like a woman and because it is less a jealousy issue for her primary male...

I know, that's my point. It's kinda messed up that men can't make more of an effort to deal with the idea of another man's penis being inside his woman's vagina. It's just a penis...

Are you saying that if a woman keeps not having a boyfriend (only girlfriends) in order to keep her husband/primary boyfriend comfortable and unthreatened, she'll eventually resent it and leave?

For men who are in poly relationships but are only comfortable with their wives or girlfriends seeing other women, how long do you think it generally takes them (the men) to get over their need for a one penis policy? Are there some men who will never be comfortable with it? I've just...

I didn't mean what I said in terms of competition, "Keeping up with the joneses" (er...one's partner). It's absolutely correct that one shouldn't need to have someone just because one's partner does. In a perfect world, we'd all feel cool just hanging out by ourselves doing hobbies while our...

I am a bit surprised at the level of jealousy and insecurity on her part because she's an attractive woman. She's not drop dead gorgeous, but she's attractive. Cool personality, smart, sweet, educated, professional. And I think I'm attractive, too (I'm all those same things). Honestly, I...

By the way, glad you shared your story. I understand how you felt. I understand how she feels, too. Wanting polyamory and doing it without jealousy are two different things. Still, as a person who feels more comfortable with it, I'm allowed to talk about my relative feeling of ease about...

I know it's not as easy as telling someone "don't feel jealous." I am sharing my attitude about jealousy, which is to say that I think if one reminds one's self that other people can't replace you, one can potentially feel less jealous. I was in no way saying it's as easy as saying "don't...

I'm not in a poly situation right now, but when I was, the guy's girlfriend and I look(ed) nothing alike. We're very, very different in looks. I'm petite, dark-haired, brown-eyed, and thin/toned in body. She's seven inches taller than me, blond-haired, blue eyed, slightly heavy/a bit meaty...

I think they strengthened their feelings for each other, too. But that's still somewhat irrelevant to the veto. They didn't strengthen their feelings for each other so much that they decided to be exclusive with each other or that they decided they would only build sexual but not emotional...