Search results

Also, I know that Derek has deep caring for his girlfriend and loves her. He doesn't want to hurt her, and he rightfully abided by what she wanted. But you have to consider that she deprived him of the opportunity to have a second woman who loves him, who adores him. I was so incredibly crazy...

I agree. And let me just say that I don't hate the girl ('jeni'). Annoyed, yes, but I mean, I don't really hate her. The truth is, I don't know in what spirit she made this decision. As I mentioned earlier, she wouldn't talk to me, even when I called her. She could have made the decision...

Hi, she didn't actually look like she was going to cry; she sort of had this "strained" "pained" look on her face, which yes, was kind of like she was hurt. I don't know. I don't necessarily know when people are about to cry. She just look...strained...somehow. And I don't think she was...

Also, why do you some of you love talking about his "free will" when it comes to him (after your "I'm not comfortable statements") disappointedly abiding by your wishes/ preference that he not see a certain woman, but you're against and actively restrict his "free will" to date the woman in the...

I see. So it's black and white, right? Either she vetoes me because she is being true to her feelings and saving us all a lot of grief OR doesn't veto me and a lot of drama and issues ensue, and it's a mess anyway? You asked which I would choose -- A or B? I choose C. She doesn't veto me...

The thing is, passive-aggressive behavior (in the context that is being discussed here) and "struggling a lot" are interchangeable / the same thing. (And often even in other contexts, too, actually). I doubt any women just feel fine about the other new woman but decide anyway, just for fun: "I...

Oh, actually, when I wrote that as the moral, I didn't mean particular to my situation. It's true of my situation, yes. But I think it's often true in general as well, unfortunately.

Also, he subscribed to that point of view in the beginning. I think they just backtracked.

Thanks. I really wish she had been more open to things and felt less insecure, to at least give he and I the chance to get to know each other more. Your sympathy is appreciated.

What I kinda don't get is that he's stayed with her twice now (over me). She of all people should know that he likes her more than he likes me. She has all the security in the world, really. But then again, my increasing realization of the above makes him less appealing to me.... She does...

So maybe the moral of my thread is this: No matter how much he likes you, he likes his wife/long-term girlfriend more. Sobering thought....

I do think it's ultimately for the best, though. Even if she had been okay with he and I dating, (or even just begrudgingly tolerated it), I think she always would have mattered to him a lot more. And I wouldn't have wanted that. So...it's for the best.

Yep. Talk about it on the Internet. To strangers. With an anonymous nickname. That always hurts people in one's real life.

To add: I don't see myself getting involved with him or them again unless the dynamic was vastly different, where she seemed really open and truly ready for polyamory. And him too. Or really willing to try. I wouldn't get re-involved in a situation with them where it was very clear that...

We can go back and forth about whether it is a veto or not. Some people would consider it a veto and others wouldn't. No one's going to change their mind. Hasty to get moving on what? I'm just talking on a message board; I'm not speaking to them. I guess you're referring to "if they...

Thanks for your thoughts. And I agree that it was a learning experience for all. I actually didn't mean for the thread to become this detailed. I'm not so much trying to be pushy and demand that I'm right. (Initially, I was just writing a general "pity me, people, please!" post. But I'm sort...

And never did I say that those other contexts aren't also vetoes. I'd find it just as immature to tell a platonic female friend not to be friends with another female. I see what you're saying about "vetoes" being a part of life, and I agree that they are (in subtle ways in all different types...

Oh, and what i said about "secondaries will sympathize, primaries will justify the girl's actions..." -- obviously I'm generalizing. Nobody needs to take offense. I know people can be objective about things, regardless of their stand point or position. Regardless, I think the generalization...

I'm not trying to make everyone agree with me, but if someone says "you should have done such and such," (and I did do such and such), I'll let them know that I did. The thing is, I know how it works. Secondaries will sympathize, primaries will justify the girl's actions. We all have our...

They used the "open relationship" wording, but they mean polyamory. Believe me, I know. They use the word polyamory just as often. They use the words interchangeably, but their meaning is love relationships that are equal. I know and you know open relationship and polyamory are different...