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That is my deepest wish for my circle and yours, Mono.

Thanks for the kind words and support, Mono. As you know it takes all 3 hearts pulling in the same direction toward the ultimate goal. Right now we're about 2 1/2.....here's hoping we get the last little piece on board.

Ceoli, I would never begin to put the love you've had on a lower level. I'm not going that way. I know there are many secondaries (yes I hate that term) that have probably evolved over time to become equal partners in life and love with the couple they have joined, and therefore would no longer...

Ceoli, there are limitless possibilities of combinations out there in this poly world. I didn't mean for my definition to be yours. Sorry if it offended. You asked for advice and input, that is what I have from my side of it. It just seems to me that before you can love or determine that you...

Wow Redpepper! Talk about evolving! Sounds like there have been some major changes in your thinking and loving taking place. I can't argue with them as they more closely fit my definition of poly. Maybe my defintion like Mono's is just so much more closely entwined with the "norm" we were all...

Welcome also! Glad you found us all here.

Welcome! Hope you enjoy the forum and the great exchanges here.

Mono, I suspect that more and different sex is at the very root of most poly people. I must admit it, it may have been part of my initial attraction to the poly life, as it is a very nice fringe benefit. The fact of the matter is, it can't be the main reason, or your depth in your relationship...

Sai, it could just be that this guy is tremendously conflicted. His actions seem to point that way. He may feel he's being forced to change, and doesn't want to, or know how to. But something's not right. I wish I could help more. It may just take a long time for him to assimilate into poly...

No bashing here, RS. You make a valid point.

The only way my own little poly world ever could have worked was if my wife and the other woman involved did know each other and could hit it off and live together under one roof. That was exactly our case with perhaps her closest friend. A total outsider, a bimbo, would have never given me a...

I would agree with Quath on this. He covered every point just as I was thinking it through. That's where I would start. Maybe more than anything, he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear and putting it all out there for other women to see on Facebook, hoping that he gets a few hits from...

Redpepper, you and yoxi hit the nail on the head. And it sounds like you too are discovering more than ever that you require that certain depth to your relationships that people who just want to be "open" don't. They just want to be "open". Big difference. And surely, some NRE does wear off over...

I hear what you're saying about the group mentality, Mono. I think for the most part you are right. But I think that, because I believe that most people really do just want to screw around with many sexual partners, rather than develop multiple deep loves. Mankind's been cheating on their...

Thanks for the kind words Mono. I hope we can sustain what seems to be a "perfect storm" of 3 very unique and loving people. I would agree with you that many poly people seem to be in a "free love" state all the time. That doesn't upset me, it's their definition of poly and that's fine. It's...

Good post Confused...I too was worried that you were just gonna be swinging. It sounds like you and your wife are on the right path, just keep plugging along. I'm sure you'll come out on the other side and see the light.

Hello Ceoli...I get your frustration. I would guess that most poly situations mostly arise out of couples who feel somehow incomplete in their primary relationship and want to open up their hearts and minds to new experiences. Singles, on the other hand, are free to sleep around and have...

Redpepper, we all, or most of us atleast, have had many loves/lovers along the way. Just because we've had multiple lovers, I wouldn't say we're poly. However, I can see we have the same ideas and definitions of what may constitute poly for us right now further(down the road) in our unique...

Bingo Mono...I've told my wife this many times. It's not her fault that I require more to complete the fullness in my heart and in my life. Still, it's a shock (maybe an insult in a way) and frustrating to her that she can't be the end all of end alls. Afterall, she has a 27 year history with...

Mono, my mono wife is going thru this, trying to accommodate myself and our best friend of 20 years. I know she's joined here but not commented yet. She may have something to add to the discussion but it can be tough to drag it out of her! I'll try!