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Bwhahahaha! I know your type. You crush on all kinds of dudes. Doesn't make me feel special! :p But, I'm glad that you draw inspiration from my process. It's been very difficult. But with learning comes growth, and that is what Jen and I have been doing. There isn't much of me that I hide. I'm...

Writing things down, here or to Jen, have definitely helped me. Talking through everything has gotten me to the basis of my fears. For me, it seems codependency is what is driving my fear of poly. I'm not saying that is what is going on with you. Just keep talking. Figure out what it is that...

So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm codependant. It's kind of always something that's been there, but it never really seemed to be a problem. But now, since I'm not the one-stop-shop for all that is man, I feel threatened by it. At least knowledge of why I have been reacting the way I have will help...

All I have to say, self realization is a pain! After much thinking today, I think I've made some good progress. I'll cut and paste the good bits from an email I sent to Jen... But I think I'm finally getting there. From my mental flow chart, a lot of my issues are stemming from codependance...

I've been doing a lot of pretty deep introspection the last couple days, and a word that has kind of popped into my head is codependancy. I'm pretty sure I am a codependant person. I think it contributes a lot of my fear of loss and change, no matter how irrational. Right now, it feels like I...

Not really, but I am a dork. So it works out. Haha

Since Jen has her own thing on here, I think I'll make my own, that way I can post updates without bogging hers down. Anyways, I guess I'll start from the beginning, and kind of jump to now. I'm 28 years old, married to Jen for almost 7 years, and we have two kids. Girl and boy, 3 and 18...

I feel for you man, I really do. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. Talking helps a lot. Try and talk through why you are feeling the way you do. If you talk enough, you start getting down through the layers, and hopefully to the base reason. I wish I had a good fix for you, but I'm still...

Considering that he isn't really taking the relationship aspect seriously, I'd say it's too early. I'd wait a little bit for him to open up more. Having the L bomb dropped when he is just starting to get comfortable might be too much.

Heh, definitely hit the nail on the head for that one. Let's see here. At work, I fix airplanes. I'm a supervisor now, and people come to me with their problems, and I do what I can to fix it. In my spare time I fix cars (sometimes breaking them in the process... Haha). So yeah, I'm very much a...

Now that I think about it, I think this is probably the center of many of the feelings I have. I feel jealousy, because of the fact that I can't directly provide the need Jen has from another. I feel inadiquate for the same reason. I feel like I want to try my hardest to fill that every need, no...

Jen and I had another good talk tonight... I think a lot of my problems stem from the fact that I keep trying to be everything to her. I know it's not possible to be everything to one person, no matter how hard you try. I can rationalize that. However, my brain keeps telling me that I need to...

I think because of the fact that I won't be there for the act (I work on swings, J on mids), it won't have as big of an impact. Still though, after we reasses, and if I choose to move on, I'd want to see it. That way I can understand everything about it, what it does for Jen, and indirectly what...

Ladyinticate, I can certainly feel for you. My wife just recently discovered she is poly. I'm pretty sure I'm mono, but hope that I can give poly a try as well. It's been difficult for me. The last 6 weeks have been a very interesting roller coaster ride. From my experience though, it's...

The worst part about it though, is if I can't accept it. I've told Jen I love everything about her. What happens when I say "I love everything about you, but..."? I don't want to deny what she has become, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself down to meet her needs. I hope it...

Thanks Pepper. It wasn't so much the timeframe... It was the knowledge that if I can't accept Jen in a poly lifestyle, that my whole world wouldn't come crumbling down. With how I'd been feeling the last week, I needed that timeframe. It is very open to change, not unlike boundaries. But for...

I keep myself completely shaved in my groin area. I'm not really sure of my reasoning. I've pretty much been doing it since, oh, let's see... 7th grade? 13 or 14? Something like that. I like the way it feels. It's definitely more sensitive.

I have to admit, the last week has been rough for me. I've been on 12s, and working all night. I'm a pretty light sleeper when it comes to kids, so I hear a lot. Trying to sleep with two tornadoes in the house was rough. So I've been very tired. The lack of sleep led to anger. Because of the...

I've been reading a bit lately, trying to figure out everything between Jen and me as far as poly goes. From the few posts I've read today, I can draw a lot of parallels with Mono. Granted, I'm the primary in it all, whereas he is the secondary (tertiary, whatever, hahaha), but a lot of the...

A month might be short, but if I feel like garbage the whole time, how is that right? While I don't want to deny part of what Jen is, if it tears me up to see her with somebody else, then it just can't work. It's mostly just to make sure I can handle everything. It's not like she only has one...