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When Tess finds her guy, I hope he's just like this, and that I'm as strong and as accepting as you are, Sundance. Guess I'll find out when I get there. Okay, this is freaking me out. Do I have to make plans for when Tess falls in love? Do I have to worry about her developing feelings beyond...

You do. I've held nothing back in this experience. My journey has been as you see it. After my initial post, I was given some pretty straightforward advice and a lot of encouragement to get honest with Tess and myself about what was/is really going on with us. This hasn't been easy, or much fun...

Vodkafan, I was just thinking about you. Hope you're well. Thanks for keeping tabs on me. Nice to know you're out there. Sundance, I see this is only your second post here. I am touched you chose to share your point of view with me.

Sweet Jebus in an armlock, Batman! Exactly! If Tess could have a FWB relationship without the friend part I'd be good with this. Well... not really. Why? Because I want whomever Tess ends up spending time with to be a kind and emotionally generous human being who treats her with love and...

Yeah, my balls beat my brain to the decision-making and off we went, and I paid for my hubris. Tess and I have really stepped back from this and are talking about best methods, as opposed to doing best methods. Not that actually going on Tess's date as secret bodyguard makes any sense at all...

Have I learned anything yet? 1) I'm not alone. Good news... no, really good news! 2) This isn't going to kill me, just feels like it some days. 3) I love Tess. Everything else is just bullshit. 4) Tess loves me. 5) Tess really really loves me. 6) Change hurts. (It hurts a lot more when you've...

Oddly enough... My night with Tess ended on a good note. Man, I'm tired. After my meltdown, I pretty much locked my office door and wept tears of frustration and anger. I felt completely shut out and shut down. Tess made several attempts to talk to me, but I was too pissed off and hurt to go...

Sometimes I'm slow My marriage is over. I realized tonight while lying in bed that, stay together or not, my marriage as I know it, is done. It has been for a while. It just took me until now to see it. The day Tess decided she was poly was the day this union ended. Our vows are null and void...

Not a good night I don't feel well. Haven't all day. Physically mostly, but it's also affecting me emotionally. And sure enough, I got into it with Tess tonight, and here I am talking to you, because I can't/won't talk to her. Biggest change in my life in 20 yrs and I'm no longer comfortable...

You folks ask tough questions! You won't let me slide at all here, will you? II: You're absolutely right in that if Tess were out with friends, I'd be fine with it. But as soon as she's out with a guy? Not so much. And that's what's bothering me here. It's a guy. Not a girl. Why can't Tess...

I went out tonight with Tess, while she met with her first online date/meet-up (i.e., they met online). I was the secret chaperone, ensuring Tess was safe. As the night progressed, I moved to a different area of the pub/bar because, well, I'm just not that much of a voyeur, and watching my wife...

I'm not much for waiting around anymore. Done far too much of that these past years. Now I'm encouraging Tess to get out and meet possible bfs. The yin and yang of this is startling. First she wants to get moving on this. I fall down, cry and cause a scene in Safeway. Okay, that's not really the...

We took another step At my urging, Tess has responded to an inquiry to "get to know her" on a dating site from a possible suitor. (I dunno what to call him.) Every day a step forward.

Need vs Desire In this situation, I have come to the conclusion that for Tess it is an emotional/spiritual need to experience another connection with a man in a relationship that can or will be sexual. Do I completely understand it? No. And I'm not going to pretend I do. My "complete"...

Handmaiden Thank you for the compliment and the information. Both are appreciated. But is it need or want? Indigomontoya Thank you. I appreciate the insights and help you've provided. On an intellectual level, I understand the idea of many loves, and do not believe anything is wrong...

We did. I'm slow. Letter it is, from here on in.

Catalyst for change. Yesterday Tess and I spent most of the day naked. We'd stop for food, water, conversation, and to go shopping for more food and water. No, we didn't go shopping naked. Although in the state we were in, we probably wouldn't have cared. Hilarity ensues. Last night we talked...

Indigo Montoya, I brought Tess up to read your post with me, because it hit so close to home for both of us. I will be using it as a reminder and a primer for what to do and not do. Thank you for stopping in and offering your voice to the others. Your words and kindness were/are well received...

Honesty and truth as a lifestyle choice In the last 8 days I've experienced and expressed more raw emotional and intellectual honesty then I have in years. You folks know this. What I found happening today was backsliding. I found myself once again becoming the hero and/or villain of my story...