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I'm familiar with the term compersion. I feel compersion when it comes to sex. I hope that she is having really good sex with him. It is tough for me when it comes to the issue of being entertaining, and being fun. I don't feel like I need to make more money for her to love me. I just feel like...

Yes, I've heard it said that no one can make you feel a certain way, and that you choose how you feel. I don't buy that totally. Sure, we can choose to an extent, but shouldn't the reality of a situation make feeling a certain way justifiable sometimes? I meant that I will "not" end my...

I'm sorry. I may have been implying that you might have lowered your standards. I was wrong for that. Surely, none of the other guys in the group that I've seen would intimidate me as a metamour. Maybe they would make me evaluate myself now and then, but I'd probably feel like I do towards...

I know that my income doesn't matter when it comes to getting new dates with women in the poly group. I should have never ventured on the $ argument anyway. Its more about career image that bothers me, and not so much for those poly women. I'm going to be crude, but my level of fitness...

I don't have a issue with the isolated situations at poly functions. I literally have options there. I feel anxiety when my girlfriend is having fun with Baron. I've earned three times the average American income in some years, and now I'm earning below what is average. The two situations are...

So, poly people are more intellectual, and are more likely to be attracted to a person's personality than their facial features, body, or resources. Yet, just because they are more likely to value someone's personality doesn't mean that the age-old triggers for attraction don't play in. Pretty...

I don't want to be like Baron. I'd just rather have a more admirable career, and be able to deeply engage her in conversation. There would still be many differences between him and me.

That sounds like unconditional love. I think that such love takes time and is developed after spending lots of time with someone that you care about. It is not the same as what atracts a person, in my opinion. I think that mate selection is driven by the exact reasons that social scientists have...

I never once suggested that I want to work on her. I don't want to change anything about her. I know that I need help. There are things wrong with me.

What a "whole" person consists of is the sum of their qualities. All the qualities are added up, even if not consciously. I think that in reality some people's total sum as a whole person ads up to more than other people's total sum. Authors of various books would agree with me. We all have a...

Thanks for replying to my questions, Porcupine. I was verging on thread-jacking there, so I won't reply with much. Back to casual sex...

Mono, she is meeting all of my needs. I would like for all us to talk more freely about our experiences with each other, but her and Baron don't talk very much about their time together. Being more open about things would be satisfying to me. She was attracted to my level of fitness, and to my...

Okay, we are peeling off layers of the onion here. She appears to be really captivated by Baron, and almost giddy when they come in from a date, and are on their way to his bedroom. They look to be in early-stage foreplay, and as if they are communicating silently while he or she talks to me...

Suppose that one of them is a very exciting and entertaining partner, and that you feel captivated by that partner because they keep you engaged in conversation. But, on the other hand, your other partner does not engage you as well. Could you then find being with the less entertaining partner...

What's that, GS? Do you mean how she dressed more like the other girl that I introduced her to, so therefore she was "trying," rather than just being herself? For example, let's say that Baron is more attractive than me in eight ways, and I'm only more attractive than him in three ways. It is...

SchrodingersCat, I agree that mono people face the same issue or comparing to other lovers that their current partner has had. I also agree that the idea that she "is still with me" is helpful. Also, she started dating me after already dating him, so I must have been enticing in some way...

I think this is a good question that Ceoli asked. There is a percentage of people in the local poly community that have more casual lovers. Also, some of them seem to have more casual sex with friends. As of yet, I don't know who is friends with benefits or not, but I know that I've seen some...

Writing all of this down is giving me some relief. I'm going to really need the relief on their next date night, though. I've been in this arrangement for 5 months now, and for the last 2 weeks I've felt more anxiety than before on their date nights. Thanks for the quick replies. I am relieved...

So, we are not supposed to compare ourselves to our metamours. How in the world do you people go about holding to that ideal? Honestly, that's what I view that concept as, just an ideal. I know that it is helpful not to compare ourselves to our metamours, but I think that in reality we do...

Thanks, MonoV.