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Why does it have to be a Facebook group? That seems like a bad choice for discussing something private.

Sigh. I'll try not to be longwinded. We have an agreement with a few rules. She's "bent" the rules several times lately, making me upset, and then definitely broke them. Among other things, we're not allowed to sex new people until we've discussed it, and supposed to keep each other informed...

Looks like it. "Send PMM mail to membership" is only available to Premium Members for $9/month, so you can respond to messages but not initiate them? The thing with OkC is the ladies get bombarded with terrible messages all day every day, so I'm so worried about not making a stellar first...

Answer all the questions honestly and then search by match percentage. There are questions about open relationships, make their answers mandatory. People who are also open to open relationships will be in your high matches.

Signed up for BeyondTwo and did a match search, there are only 30 results in my entire state? Then got my first message and it's a banking scam spammer. :/

Girlfriend and I made profiles on there, but we've never used them for anything. What are we supposed to do on the site? I don't think I'm kinky at all. Very sexual, but zero interest in pain or domination stuff. Was it pointless for me to join if the only non-mainstream thing I've got going...

So 3 years later and I'm back in the same place. :D Guess I could respond to some of these messages at least... No, that would be mean. More like nine hours of sitting in the dark not talking for me. :D But a series of such bad dates did turn into a second relationship, which lasted 2...

I know this is old, but you've tried OkCupid, right? It has open/poly people on it. I also have bad social anxiety, which makes dating very difficult and frustrating when my friends/girlfriends have lots of dates and I have zero.

Yes, in the sense of "we want some things to be rules, while others are non-binding requests". Not in the sense that each of us desires different amounts of control. Yeah, that's more like what I want. I was thinking about the principle of Non-Violent Communication, and how a list of "Needs"...

Is that just something that's been discussed verbally? Yes, unless you're lawyers or into Nomic. :) That's a good point. Agreements can be asymmetrical. Agreed. But then what? You just state your... "wishes" and if the other person doesn't respect them, you.... talk about it? Well...

Sorry, I disagree. Because we both want it? Because that's not how we work? When I go on dates she wants to talk afterward and hear even more detail than I do. I don't. :D I'm in her bed but she's currently chatting with the new boy online. Just a few awkward dates. :/ My other...

Nope.

I am a nice guy! :) Eh, there may be some truth to that, but I think you're stereotyping. Yes, she's more of a primary/secondary "open relationship" person, and I'm more of a poly "three serious girlfriends" person? But that's compatible as long as we communicate, right? Also we're both...

She volunteers information sometimes, but I have to ask other times. I am trying to encourage her. (On the other hand, I promptly forget a third of what she tells me...) Maybe it doesn't make a difference to you, but one thing I've noticed is that surprises really hurt me; feel like...

No, but there was one instance... :/

Oh, it should be phrased: "No dating people in monogamous relationships" (= the other person is cheating) But yeah, there is also something like "People you date have to respect our relationship and at least be open to non-monogamy", which should not be hard to follow either. Meaning that...

Aw, fanks! We talked a lot about this stuff. Hopefully she understands why I was upset. She is good at discussing things calmly and respectfully and being overcompensatingly affectionate. Says that this night with the new guy was just "an extension of the first date" two days prior, and...

Haha seriously. She's only done this twice in the year that we've been dating... Wait... That sounds worse. Sigh. No but seriously, you've got the wrong idea, she doesn't drink or party much. This was a special event with coworkers. The guy is unrelated to the drinking. They really hit...

An example of a rule is "no sex with a new partner until we've discussed it", which she's followed well so far. An example of a potential rule is "We should know as much as possible about a potential date beforehand", or "No dating monogamous people". I guess her behavior could be interpreted...

Ok, actually there's probably some truth to that. On her date with guy A the other day he was talking about how he was in a V and not a triad, and she didn't know what that meant and asked me about it afterwards, not even remembering the terms. I've been interested in poly for a long time, so...