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I like that. I have felt that way with my husband's girlfriends (who were both straight). I was good friends with both of them and had close emotional connections and communicated well with them both. It felt like a partnership with the goal of helping my husband feel happy and fulfilled, such a...

i would not talk to your ex first, and here's why: if you talk to your ex and she is on board, then you have already created some expectations (or at least some anticipation) for both of you. you have already started rekindling *something* with her. then when you go to your girlfriend, she...

which is why i'm posting here, trying therapy, etc. and not just saying "screw you man, i'm out of here!" he is clearly massively distressed. and in our session the therapist even said to him "you are in a constant state of stretch, aren't you?" and he agreed. which sucks, because starting...

yeah, i'm with you RP. another one of the many things i'm sad about is that he doesn't seem to feel any compersion here. i mean, i truly derive JOY...giddy, blissful joy from seeing perm with his gfs or cue with L (holy shit they're cute). and i WANT that for him. i WANT him to feel that...

this is my real fear...this is the core of what terrifies me. i have dated other people (not as seriously) that perm has had "issues" with, and he's pulled this same kind of shit-talking about the other guys too. and in the past i indulged him, heard him out, respected his fears and what he...

omg, this thing is so huge and detailed, i don't even know where to start. i think i'll just lay out facts and then say where i'm sitting right now and see if anyone has any thoughts. i don't know if i'm looking for advice, per se (although if someone has some great advice i'll certainly...

I'm totally with GS on the jealousy thing and the gym metaphor. in fact, I'll use a yoga metaphor, which i do a lot, as I am a yoga geek and have found that yoga has taught me gobs about how my mind works. If there is a pose that you really HATE in yoga (and i don't mean it hurts you, i just...

i actually found a really interesting and well researched article on the subject. the scientist in me wouldn't let go of her assertions till i got some proof, and most studies are monogamy-based...

bleh. i am starting to worry that you are right. i wanted to think that she "got it", but the more i play over our session in her mind, i think about some things that really rubbed me the wrong way. "only one person can really trigger your reward center at a time. it's just how our brain...

Mohegan: i checked kinkaware, actually. that's where i got the idea to look for LGBT friendly therapists. unfortunately, there was only 1 active therapist for indianapolis listed on there. there were some in other areas, some lawyers, and one promising looking therapist who has since moved...

awesome, thank you for the link! yeah, i'm very careful to not use "poly" terminology in sessions, since i know the therapist probably isn't super familiar with any of it. i don't use primary/secondary, i simply explain their roles in my life. i didn't use compersion, i simply tried to...

oh also, for maybe some context: me: 28 hubby: 35 boyfriend: 40 hubby and me: together 5 years/married 2.5 of those 5 years, never closed our relationship and drafted up poly agreements after ~2 years together boyfriend and me: together 1 year, he is engaged to his sweetie of 5 years

well, that's kind of what i was looking for. i have been profoundly unable to find any poly-specific therapists in indy, so i decided to check out this one who specializes in LGBT issues but mentioned poly on her site...it seemed promising at the time! and honestly, i really like her. i think...

absolutely, and i actually made it a point to not respond to any of the accusations he was making during the first session because he is VERY wary and not trusting of therapy at all, so i wanted to make sure that he felt like he could talk, since i'd already had a solo session with her...

does anyone here have experience with therapy (psychological/talk) in the context of poly? i am in indiana and had a really hard time finding a therapist who was even LGBT friendly, and i've been to her twice now and gotten some signals from her that although she has no PROBLEM with poly or...

great topic! this is actually the point of conflict that my husband and i are having right now. we made poly agreements when we first started dating. we dated some people (some serious, some not). then his girlfriend moved in with us and although she only lived there for a few months, i...

wow, what a great resource. i wish i had found this forum a long time ago! i am a profoundly poly married gal in her late 20s who has know that monogamy wouldn't work for her since she was in her early teens. :) lucky me! i am a scientific person and tend to pick and analyze my feelings to...