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Ack! I'd posted this before I realized I'd missed the point of the OP (reading backwards, I was). So I deleted my response, but not before you replied...

Sometimes I don't like to bother with any of the consequences of short-hand names for certain ways I chose to live my life. I call myself poly, a kinkster, and an athiest, in most cases. Sometimes I don't, and I don't think it's a result of insecurity, identity-crisis, or a desire to not be...

Do you go down on her as enthusiastically and for as long as you used to? Do you have an orgasm when she gives you a BJ? It's one thing if you just want something different, and another if you feel she's just not interested enough. Have you tried *sincerely* complimenting the oral sex she...

Plenty of dominant men and women will explore D/s with you without requiring you to give up either your husband or your exploration of other relationships. Find your local kink community's events (the easiest way is now to join Fetlife and search for public social events, often called munches)...

Being given an ultimatum sucks. Non-violent communication can help, if you have any experience with the idea. Writing letters to me (or just writing her thoughts out for herself) works best for my current partner when she doesn't have the emotional energy/will/wherewithall for a face-to-face...

I'm a dog. I like scratches.

In my experience it's just as common for a woman to have multiple partners as it is for a man to have multiple partners. The best advice for finding local poly people and community is at the bottom of Alan's event page at http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups

I wasn't aware loving everyone equally was one of the tenets of poly. I don't even think it's reasonable, since everyone is unique and irreplaceable. In the metaphysics of my universe, it's impossible to love everyone equally. (Or any set of one or more people equally to any other set of one...

As a fellow problem-solver, I know where he's coming from. Is it possible you simply want him to listen and acknowledge your feelings without always trying to do something to "fix" them or the situation? That was a hard thing for me to learn to do. Sometimes I still forget to ask what a person...

completely wrong thread I posted in... apologies!

Jealousy is about something you believe you possess and think you might lose (or don't wish to share). Envy is about something you believe you don't possess and want it when you think someone else has it.

I think you should discover what makes you happy and not listen when people tell you what should make you happy. They're not you. Their life is not your life. Their happiness is not your happiness.

You also have to consider the answer to True or False: CLOSED relationship + happily married long-term = extremely rare. I formed my relationship wants/needs in reaction largely to what I saw in the unhappy and broken marriages in my family and their friends. Anyway, the plural of anecdote is...

In general there are more younger people online than older people, so that plays a factor in the age distribution on polyamory.com.

Which is why I suggested asking your wife how she felt about your friend's statement as a good way to start. Asking is easier *and* it establishes that it's a discussion involving both of you, not a statement of one's position. /shrug

It sounds like you're able to talk to your wife about anything. Why not ask your wife what she thought about your friend's marriage comment?

How often does he watch or care for the children? Does he drop them off at daycare on his way to work? Sorry if these questions are too personal... It just seems strange to me that you two work different shifts but the kids are in day care. And that he seems so unconcerned that one of the...

It may be a misunderstanding, or it may be their preference (not to be around children). If it bothers you, you explain what you're seeing and ask them about it.

I think the "emotional workout" analogy best fits. People have emotional "muscles." These muscles are as in-shape or as out-of-shape as you've developed them. When you are triggered or otherwise experience some intense emotions your emotional "muscles" get a work out. If you're not practiced...

Have you considered what razor-sharp focus you'll have after the relationship you're in now ends? Snark aside, it's doesn't sound like a good idea to let your relationship standards be reactions to whatever bad thing last happened. If you find the idea of monogamy outdated, or part of a...