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Desperation is rarely an attractive quality.

It's a myth that being monogamous protects you from being replaced. It's the same myth as happily-ever-after. Once you realize the power of those myths, it's empowering to realize that your partner is free to be with whomever they choose, and they choose to be with you.

I think it can mean bad or good things. When we experience overwhelming emotions, whether good or bad, we can react in ways we don't expect or understand. I was extremely happy and blissed out with first-time triad energy over xmas a few years back, and for no reason at all turned into a...

One of the things I've learned about life is that loving someone doesn't mean they're good for you or good to be in a relationship with.

I really, really, REALLY like the messaging! IM/microblog feel is perfect! It'd be really useful if the person's pic or profile was visible next to it, too. It's looking great! Congratulations!

Find a local group and be social: http://www.polymatchmaker.com/main.mvc?Screen=MAIN&MODULE=POLYGROUP

Is condom use an issue? For me, I notice after a few years of not using condoms with my current GF, my cock seems less interested in doing anything with a condom on now. I don't worry about performance as much as I worry about appearing to be one of "those guys" trying to use guilt to get...

I think you're very, very gracious for having put up with this treatment for as long as you have. You're in a relationship with him, not her. You don't need to negotiate anything with her, if you don't want to. It's polite, but not necessary. I think you need to start having a relationship...

Says it's down for maintenance. :P

I don't understand what you mean by this. Aren't you putting your life on hold by not talking about what you want your life to be like?

I second the suggestion made in the other thread: Write a note or keep a journal and ask him to read it.

It sounds to me like they're hiding things from you because you don't all agree on certain things. I think all three of you need to sit down and talk it out together. You might also look at how the group arrives at decisions, if the current process isn't working.

On the other hand... Is it possible that "not wanting to interfere because he respects you too much" is his way of gently rejecting you because he finds it unacceptable to date a married person? You may just be courting a cowboy (someone who will try to break up your other relationships) if...

I've seen a few people post on other forums who are vehemently opposed to the idea of swinging and disliking anyone willing to participate in sex-for-sex's-sake. But, I've never met people like that. I've met plenty of people who think non-monogamy is a continuum between poly and swinging...

Each person in your life should be as significant as the relationship between the two of you balances out. (Relationships need to be roughly balanced, right?) If you're in a relationship where the significance you each give the other doesn't allow you time or energy to have anything else of...

I don't think it's necessary, but some people believe they are, or do it because it's the example they've learned from. I think if some people need labels, then labels based on "which one does what with you" are better than labels based on hierarchy. :) So, instead of "Hi, this is my primary...

My GF and I like Fruits Basket a lot. Just the other day we started discussing how "poly" it seemed. The anime is only 13 episodes long, while the manga is much, much longer and is still being added to, I think. I've only seen the series, but based on those episodes, it's a pretty good example...

Primary is to central as secondary is to _____________? I've always been opposed to the idea of hierarchy, but when you're living with partner(s) and have responsibilities around money and basic survival, it's necessarily more involved than a partner you don't share those things with. I'd...

Just south of you in NC between Greensboro and Durham, there are plenty of geeky, poly people. There's a poly pancake social every other Thursday in Burlington. The group list was just updated in the NC thread: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=124115&postcount=50

Eh, that's probably because of the insecurities you listed, penis insecurity is the easiest to address. Franklin Veaux has a good page that deals with assumptions and insecurities at http://www.morethantwo.com/relationshipassumptions.html Your self-care is important. Don't let caring for...