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I agree with KC43 - Steve may love you very much, but his behavior is disrespectful and selfish. And while you may bear the brunt of it because you are not his wife, it sounds like he is disrespectful to her too (as in not letting her know you two had plans from the get-go, which ended up...

While we often get caught up in talking about this or that specific need, I think one need that is often overlooked, is that some poly people simply have a need for variety. And it doesn't matter how fantastic a person you are, you can't be more than one person any more than you could be a...

Everyone else has set their boundaries: -Husband would continue the marriage, but does not want poly. -B wants no part of the break up of your marriage, and will make no promises in regard to the future. So, the only certain course not be alone is to be mono with your husband. The only...

I agree with you, and understand the confusion that you spoke of. My ex-metamour could be fun, spontaneous, having us all happy and laughing. But it was offset by her unpredictable anger, which could be set off by anything, like the thermostat being set too hot or cold - when in fact the had...

While it is logical to think that if Baby has relationships outside of Igor, she ought to be able to handle Igor having a relationship outside of her. But it often doesn't work that way. Having outside relationships and being able to handle your partner having outside relationships are two...

I am sorry, but not surprised. Classic elitism.

Even mono couples don't choose to be together 24/7. Sometimes they choose to be with friends instead of their spouse; sometimes they choose to indulge in a hobby instead of hanging with their spouse; sometimes they choose to go to the grocery store alone, etc.

I agree with your logic about allowing him to think the break up is his idea. Get things separated ASAP! You're right, he won't play fair. He really doesn't understand the concept that you are a real person with real feelings, and consequently "fair" is a mere abstraction, only having validity...

Borderline or the flip side - but with a lot of similar characteristics minus the borderlines' suicidal tendencies - narcissist. The Philosopher was married to a narcissist (we thought she was borderline at first). Their marriage seemed to be stable for 12 - 13 years, but her behavior grew...

Borderline or the flip side - but with a lot of similar characteristics minus the borderlines' suicidal tendencies - narcissist. The Philosopher was married to a narcissist (we thought she was borderline at first). Their marriage seemed to be stable for 12 - 13 years, but her behavior grew...

I don't think you're a door mat. I can see why you are confused. The blowing hot and cold keeps you completely off balance. That said, I do think it would be wise to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life on this rollercoaster. I don't think it's a simple matter of him just...

Um, I wouldn't call someone who would drop me in a hot a minute a friend.

I've thought about how to identify those who are those I do not want in my life in any way shape or form. The trick is to watch emotional reactions to situations versus what they say. While I know poly people often struggle emotionally at first, mentally healthy people are aware of the...

The female in the couple I joined has definite narcissistic tendencies - but it took me and her husband a long time to see the patterns and understand what we were seeing. She can present very well, being fun and spontaneous. And in fact was not only supportive of out threesome (we hadn't yet...

I will respond at length, but need to get ready for work. But yes in the narcissistic personality disorder - in the female of the couple I joined. It's a mindfuck for sure.

There is a difference between using comparison to note differences and rating someone. And what would be the point? Rating is necessary when you can have only one partner. (Or one car, or one house, etc.). In poly the idea is that it's okay to have more than one and not have to choose. If you...

You have to remember also that people come to these forums when they are having issues and in need of advice. The ones who are doing okay have little or no reason to post. :)

Trust your instincts. Since you have tried asking him, I would probably make a simple statement to the effect: "Your behavior tells me you are keeping something from me; I guess you will tell me when you are ready." Then I would totally disengage. By making this statement, it let's him know he...

Everyone has given great feedback. Not much I can add except for the perspective of being a woman joining a couple. The wife and I were dear friends and her husband and I immediately hit off. We didn't know whether we were going to ultimately be a triad or a vee (or somewhere in between). As...

As for B's motivation for more than one intimate relationship, I would offer that it is not a bid for more attention, but rather seeing each of her lovers as an individual with characteristics and qualities that she enjoys and finds attractive - rather than just a role. To me, the mono mindset...