Search results

I agree with MusicalRose that he doesn't really seem to understand the concept of poly, and I am betting he can't answer your question about his expectation for the relationship because he probably doesn't know. First off, given the cheating, it doesn't sound like he is very well versed in...

I'm a major supporter of a one vagina policy. (Said with tongue firmly in cheek.)

I am not saying the gf is a bad person; it sounds like she thought she could cope with poly, but then couldn't. Problem is she isn't dealing in reality. She can pretend she is in a monogamous relationship all she wants, but you're going to be a hell of a source of cognitive dissonance. This will...

LondonGuy, everything is a learning experience. Sounds like you learned. :)

Seriously? It all sounds like the behavior of a bunch of two year olds. My advice is to stick to the higher path. Don't get sucked into their bad behavior by adding in your own desire for revenge. It makes you just as manipulative as they are.

Your story is not an uncommon. Keep us posted!

Emmy37, I agree with you. A lot of people who come from a monogamous mindset tend to put rules in place in hopes of easing themselves into polyamory slowly and comfortably. Unfortunately, the rules are often unrealistic for the situation, and set people up to fail. The Philosopher and I have...

I am sorry you are so sad and hurt. Unfortunately, you lied to him when you told him it would be okay. I am sure he is feeling rather hurt and confused too, given your permission followed by anger and a sense of betrayal. It is unfair to expect another to read your mind. Perhaps you can start...

The only other thing that might give you some insight, although it doesn't sound like it was much in play with you and your wife, is to google the term, "couple privilege." Maybe it will elucidate some of the gf's fears - founded or not.

It's a tough question for me to answer, because unlike your wife's gf, I had no problem with poly. I had no desire to be alone with only one of them. It wasn't me who was unhappy; it was the wife who decided suddenly that she couldn't be poly. Your wife's gf has painted everyone into a corner...

I am so sorry. You are behaving very gallantly, and I applaud your understanding and empathy of your wife's and girlfriend's plight. That said, while the configuration was different (I was the unicorn to a couple), when things got rocky - the wife did a 180 degree turnaround, going from promoter...

I see your point. And you're probably right. However, at least with this situation, his request does not seem unreasonable. That is some pretty heavy shit. While I know his dad's health issue does not seem to be life-threatening, it may be the first time R has been confronted with the...

Have you considered therapy? While the SSRI's will help with neurochemical part of the depression, often learning new coping skills, reframing the problem, etc can be beneficial as well. Research indicates success is more likely when a person has both. I know what you're thinking: the...

When it rains it pours, doesn't it? Probably very wise to table any discussions while the stress surrounding his father's health and his parents' disapproval is still so fresh. Not a good position from which to make relationship choices. And fortunately, you are not in place that requires...

I had to laugh a bit at the observation that rather than taking responsibility for walking out on his job, he would be angry that you didn't trust him and called to ascertain the truth. Um this begs the point that you don't trust him because he is untrustworthy - and this latest issue with the...

Yes, you can have self-esteem in a vacuum. In fact it is a necessity. So let me ask you, what does the self-talk in your head sound like? Are you always telling yourself negative things about yourself? Sure someone else may come along, telling you great things, but all that other person is...

While I understand your feeling that your bf (and perhaps husband) may be giving you the vibe that you should not date others, I think you also need to consider the..., the depth of the relationships you seek. Right now, you have two very deep and smooth relationships with your husband and bf...

I am so sorry. That just sucks. Unfortunately, it often takes someone going through every step to find out that he really needed to take you at your word, and listen to what his psyche has been telling him from the beginning. You are probably right - he thought he would feel differently if you...

I can't speak to experience with that, but I don't see why you couldn't make this work. Your relationship seems strong. You communicate honestly. You already support your husband and his new partner. He will need to be able to give the same support to you. (Can he do that?). Given that you love...

Kind of the opposite of this convo, but I just read an article in Psychology Today called "Childolotry." The point was two-fold. That many parents today are so prioritizing their children, giving them 100% of their attention, that the relationship between the parents dies from lack of...