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:confused: Well, can't say that it went well. We tried, but it didn't work, so we stopped it all after about a month. We managed to stay friends, all of us, and that was good. Then about a year later my hubby, her and L started things up again!! At first it was said to be just a one off and...

Update, long road, but looks like we're a quad! Oh the journey I've been on! But last weekend, I believe, we finally arrived. After my last post, our world fell apart. Friends were supportive, but life was hard in our small community. I didn't speak to L for months. I first focused on fixing...

So I finally talked to L (recognizing we don't get to talk anymore), he called me at work. His tone was .... upset, I told you so (that's she wouldn't understand and would kick him out), and ... resigned. He said something about how it confirmed his suspicions that she was just waiting for a...

What a learning experience this has been. I know that she can't ease how I feel right now, and that she may never, and she certainly doesn't have to. I'm going to have to come to peace with that on my own terms. I've never felt so wrong before, I've never been the agent of such pain. What...

And now she knows ... Well, it was wonderful ... for a moment ... to have my husband on board and everything feeling good and above board. But L's partner still didn't know, and the guilt of that was eating me up. I knew that she needed to know too, but the fall out was/is so terrifying. I...

It's amazing, I can't believe I ever thought that it would be better to keep this hidden. Yes, the stress of lying is far more than I thought, but also coming clean really validated everything that I was feeling. I didn't think that I should be ashamed of how I felt, or feel, but now I have no...

Finally Came Clean! I did it! I broached the subject by saying that when we first talked about open relationships, R said he 'wouldn't want to know'. I said that I wondered if that was really true since ... there was something to know. He said, "what have you done?" with amused curiosity. I...

Good point ... not something I intended at all. We just tend to bicker a bit more when we aren't getting it on with enough frequency, and feel more together and strong when we are expressing ourselves in that way. But maybe I'm just delaying for the sake of delaying ... there never really is a...

I've completely changed my tact. I am going to tell my husband everything, because you are absolutely right - I can't pretend that our relationship is the most important if I haven't put everything into it, and am, instead, protecting a relationship with L. So, disclosure is imminent. I'm...

Thanks Jane, I'm going to read your story, and hopefully learn from it ...

Backslide .... Had a long conversation with L yesterday, in person, and told him I needed to come clean with R. He was scared, but not angry, supportive even. Although, the first thing he said was that there was a 95% chance him and his partner would break up as a result. I did, however...

You guys are great ... But I'm still a but terrified of the sense that I'm opening Pandora's box. I suppose we could argue that I opened it months ago ... But it still seems a bit more immediate now. So, I need a little time. We have houseguests for another three days, and I do want to give...

Well ... it seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it? Who am I to argue with all of you! I guess I felt like they were relatively small slip ups, but if I'm honest with myself, the feelings behind them aren't small at all, and do need to be brought into the open. I suppose that it is time to test...

I'm not worried I'll lose him, as it stands, I already have. My only chance to 'have him' would be to come clean and pursue an up front ploy relationship. I'm worried he'll lose his family if this comes out - access to his daughter, his home, and probably some friends. I'd lose some friends...

Exactly! It's a small town, and our friends are all shared and all close. So if I come clean with R, then two things could happen (assuming he's okay with it, which I think he would actually be). 1) He decides to not tell anyone else, and then he's burdened by our secret, and I get to feel...

NYcindie, I do value my marriage, greatly. And of course we all do need to grow up and take responsibility for our actions, but it isn't always so simple. There are kids involved, and L has made it clear that his relationship isn't that strong right now. He's afraid that his partner (they...

Thank you Annabel - My husband has said a couple of times that he wouldn't want to know, but I think that might just be nervous feelings around the whole concept of me being with someone else, since it's not the 'norm'. He has said that he finds the thought of me with another man exciting ...

I like how harsh everyone is in this forum, and yet so supportive. I need this. Thank you for breaking it down for me, Annabel. I think I was lost in my head and my heart, not accustomed to having feelings for anyone other than my husband, that it all caught me (and L) off guard. We acted...

Wag away ... The encounters were kissing and such ... no full on sex. Not that it matters much, shades of gray really.

thanks for the wake up. As I said above, I wish I had acted with integrity from the beginning. I should be completely honest with my husband, but I know that L would be terrified of me doing that. This is so silly ... such an old story. I feel like a fool. I never thought I'd be this...