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I think your friend may need to work on some self-healing BEFORE getting involved in any type of male-female relationship again. If she doesn't, rather than being helpful it could actually get in the way of her working through her healing process. Sometimes we have to feel the aloneness...the...

I would question how "stuck" he is in living with HER, in particular, due to his finances and her providing transportation. He could share housing and transportation costs with someone else (with whom he's not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) to help cut cost. Also, do you have any...

neo651....I think you're taking on quite the challenge for someone who has "very poor self-esteem". It got me to thinking about the initial email response I sent to the poly guy I met through an online site (not knowing he was poly initially...and not even knowing what polyamory was.) after he...

Cleo, It sounds to me that maybe "change" is a key issue here for you. When YOU make changes, you are more in control of what may happen. When someone else makes changes, you have less control over what could happen. You talk about how you want reassurance that you still have what you...

I don't get it....I really don't get it! This woman is asking for one day of attention on her and her needs...period! I don't give a crap if this is the husband's "way of coping". There's more than one way to "cope". The husband just met this new woman.....so what would he have done to...

Oops! Sorry Chaos. You mentioned in your first sentence that you wondered if your husband might have a sex addiction! Guess I wasn't reading carefully enough the first time through. But yes....I think you may be on to something.

Just a thought........It sounds like your husband has some attributes of sexual "addiction"...where he HAS to have a FIX regardless of the consequences for anyone else. (From: http://allpsych.com/journal/sexaddiction.htm) Sexual addicts are those who engage in persistent and escalating...

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Please, please, please.......these guys need to get some medical testing if it hasn't been done, e.g. testosterone levels, etc., in terms of low sexual desire, pre-mature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction, before one assumes it's psychological or relationship issue. Lia, regardless of...

My late $.02 for what it may or may not be worth. The part in this thread that grabbed my attention immediately (in a negative manner) were the two words used in the title of this thread, "Teacher & Protector". For me, it's rather condescending to assume another adult needs a "teacher and...

Thanks fuchka. I agree that it can be challenging to integrate another person(s) into existing relationships. Actually I was the one who brought up this very issue when he and I first started talking about poly. I told him that when I was married, working and raising children, I found it a...

My full poly story can be read by looking under my name...but to try and briefly (?!) summarize........ Polyamory was a new concept to me. He introduced me to it after we had met (through email) on an online dating site. I wasn't initially sure I could handle being in a poly relationship, but...

I'm glad what I shared with you was helpful. It was such a difficult time for me trying to decide what to do. My former husband was a good man, in general, and a good father. There were times I hated myself for not being able to just accept what he could offer emotionally, and focus on the...

Outside of the whole poly issue, your relationship with Y has many of the dynamics my relationship with my first husband had. And I blamed myself....and talked...and talked...and begged...and pleaded for him to go to counseling with me after it all had gone on for a long time. I acknowledged...

WTBE.....Thank you. I think you were right when you said I didn't "lose out" in terms of my choosing not to "settle" for a relationship that didn't meet my needs. It took a few "tries" to break it off totally, but I have NO regrets that I made that decision. I don't regret having made the...

Have you ever asked them this since it seems to hold some importance for you?

Some say that we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. You aren't willing to put yourself up there along with them as number "1". So.....maybe they're following your lead?????

W2BE.....sorry for your pain and loss. I, too, was the one who lost out coming into an established relationship (not a marriage, but they had been living together for one year.) I had stated from the beginning that I did NOT want to be a secondary and would only consider polyamory...for...

Obviously it isn't just YOU who has created the disconnect between husband and wife. Yes it sounds like she's in a difficult job/living situation, but YOU did not create that situation. That situation was going to happen regardless of your role in their lives. The stresses may have be...

It sounds like "self-caring" to me....not "selfish".