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Quoting myself: "If I am open to what will serve my highest good, that is truly what will appear." Thanks for the appearance, Mono, Ariakis, and any and all others who do me the honor of reading and listening and engaging. Immaterial

Please do not remove your comments, a valid and engaging perspective. I want my blog to be a place of discourse, even if it's heated at times. I think I have an inflammatory way of expressing myself sometimes, and my sense of humor goes missing in this written medium, as well. Anyway, all...

Ha, well, I stand by my post. I am not satisfied by negative definitions and choices made by whittling away at the possible. I didn't even call it monogamy in my post, but rather explicitly, "what passes for monogamy." I did not insult monogamy. Sorry. I outlined what I feel is the negative...

Acknowledged, both the truth and wisdom of what you say, Ariakis. I tried to couch my own reservations in some disclaimers. Perhaps I didn't do that strongly enough. I seem to not be communicating very effectively today. Nap time! Immaterial

Mono, I'd suggest you read my post more generously. I did offer a positive definition of monogamy that's probably more flattering than one you'd read anywhere. Immaterial

Is your side of the street clean? You seem to me to be whistling in the dark. Is this just because I would not be comfortable with such an arrangement? Am I projecting? Entirely possible. But if I had a married lover and I had never met her husband and she had started out lying to me and now she...

I've been thinking about negative definitions versus positive definitions lately, especially the negative definition of monogamy. It sounds reasonable enough, wondering if one can love more than one person in a sexual/romantic way, without causing harm somehow. This is the stuff that the surface...

Ha, my very first experience with sexual intercourse, when I was 15, was with a 19 year old woman who, while we were fucking, said "don't touch me, don't kiss me, don't look at me." *That* language of love was incredibly confusing to me at the time. Since then I have chalked it up to pathology...

It sounds like you are sexually monogamous in a relationship with a non-monogamous poly female? It has been crucial for me along this very steep learning curve to use language that is as absolutely specific as possible, as the concepts and behaviors themselves are so distinct. Polyamory has...

Interesting story! I have a question, though it isn't really any of my business (of course, such a statement goes without saying on a forum like this one, but anyway): You say you are "assured" his wife knows about you. How are you assured of this? Through him? Have you met her? Is everything...

TS Eliot, in Little Gidding, mentions "A condition of complete simplicity/(Costing not less than everything)" (okay, admittedly, TS Eliot isn't the *best* source for relationship advice, but...) How's this for sacrifice. Conversation with a 70 year old Christian friend of mine, let's call her...

haha, buggered family. Indeed. It wasn't misinterpretation, but a very real gut level revulsion at the bullshit that often goes into dating. I totally sympathize. I think if I am more communicative now there will be less bullshit. I especially hope the shield of honest communication will ward...

It seems a recipe for heartbreak to ignore reality and believe we can change other people. Is this not one of the primary sources of unhappiness in life? "If only people would do as I want them to do! Then our relationship would be perfect." I think an agenda is a very different thing from a...

In all sincerity, no smiley face, I totally hear what you are saying, TruckerPete. I too was raised in a confusing family where feelings were rarely if ever discussed and where one never knew with any clarity precisely where one stood. It was maddening. I have re-enacted this confusion over and...

I was joking. That's why I put one of those silly ":-)" things after the statement. Which reminds me of a joke I heard recently: "How many polyamorists does it take to change a light bulb?" "That's NOT FUNNY!" :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Immaterial

I sympathize with the dating question. I have rarely if ever been on a date, per se, despite 32 years of avid partnering. Precisely how the various shes and I have ended up together is a mystery, given the non-dating nature of the experience. Without exception, come to think of it, we just end...

I guess "allowing flirting" is a turn of phrase that rubs me the wrong way. Is there a curfew and an allowance, as well? To add to what Redpepper wrote about you having two girlfriends: it reads to me like you are on a power and possession trip. Your form of monogamy sounds like a design to...

His bit titled "fun with a girl" is very funny as well. My favorites are "suck a bag of dicks" and "everything is great and no one is happy." :-) Immaterial

By the way, re: "Women Gone Wild," you might find Louis CK's comedy bit funny. Go to YouTube and search Louis CK "women gone wild." It's in extraordinarily bad taste but exaggerates the difference in a way I find funny. Look for the version that is about 2 minutes long. Immaterial

Ugh, agreed. Being lied to, tricked or manipulated into a sexual experience sucks. It is a pathetic way to get one's jollies, and falls under my little phrase "bad-faith power exchange." I'd hazard it's not really about desire, but resentment, a desire to get revenge. Sexual revenge is a...