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I've been discussing boundaries in various places, most recently in Annabel's journal, and I feel some things are just becoming more and more clear through the reflection. It is this feeling, hard to describe, feeling of clarity about what I want in relationships, how I want to interact and what...

Ah, lovely to read such happy things, and especially to hear the good news between you and Ella. Communication ftw! :)

^Have got to second that! I've been surprisingly excited getting fb comments/likes on that photo. :o For me, all the most valuable parts of intimacy are in that one-on-one connection with somebody, plus hinge-situations are sometimes mildly anxiety-provoking, so group hang outs are just...

I think it might be helpful to distinguish between planned and unplanned pregnancy. Planned has different approaches to unplanned. Regarding a planned pregnancy, I feel there's some information missing here. Does she even want a child? Does she want a child with him? Does she want to be open to...

Haha, I love the schizophrenic you! :p Reading your last post, I admire the strength you have. I think that is a really difficult direction to take, particularly when you're feeling so very raw, to go towards breaking away the boundaries rather than towards solidifying them and setting up new...

*hugs* Sorry to see you in the bad places... :( I am the same as you with this. I take all kinds of statements about (lack of) future intentions in relation to relationships with people with a grain of salt. Not because I don't believe my partner means what they are saying - I totally do. It...

^That is an excellent life attitude. :D I also came out to my biological mother just recently. She's been single for years, and just started dating a friend of hers. She mentioned something about her ex being kind of jealous, and then her view that she doesn't really think about other people...

Our feelings are very often unfair. That doesn't make us horrible people, it just makes us human. Something that most of us are able to wrap our head around, but which is harder to internalise. Your feelings do not make you a bad person. You can't change your feelings by wishing you didn't have...

I think this is more like an ultimatum. A veto is an agreement enforced: "You cannot be with them." Some people do have these kinds of agreements. But what you say also applies: the partner could still decide not to comply with the veto (because you really can't force anybody do anything). To...

I totally agree with this! Just couldn't get it to words in my earlier post (which may sound contradictory to this but I don't see it as such). One thing is wants (from others), another is personal boundaries (wants for myself). The first is something you ask for, and may or may not get it. The...

It sounds like this is a crisis, a turning point in your relationship. I've had a few of those during my longer relationship (8 years), and they are scary as hell. I think, when you are together with somebody for a long time, life goes on and both partners feel like they know each other, while...

The previous drama sounds awful, and I totally understand why you feel uncomfortable with the prospect of them dating again. This would be the first thing for me. I would honestly express how I feel about her, and about them dating. I would want him to know, and also to hear what he has to...

I so totally get this! It is very rare that I hang out with a friend and partner. That was one poly challenge: I was in LDR with Mya, and she would come to visit me, so obviously there was quite a lot of hinge time for me. In the situation very much worth it. Yet, I enjoy it so much now that we...

Unfortunately, I agree with moving on. Sorry. :( It is the right thing to do when somebody ends it with you. Also, even if you could persuade her to give it another go, do you really want a relationship with somebody who will bail anytime she feels bad and where you need to beg for her to take...

I always enjoy the reading material ;) Sounds excellent.

^totally!! It is nice to read about everything that's going on for you, fuchka. :)

In my view, this is essentially correct, except for one big thing. When you ask for what you want, it's not a given you will get it. You get to ask for anything, but your lovers have a choice in whether they are able/willing to do that. That is where active consent comes in: you don't always get...

ThatGirl, I agree with everything, and particularly the last sentence. HelloKitty, I feel bad that your partners are acting so selfishly. It's cool that they really really want to spend time with you, but you need to let them know how the pressure affects you. Ideally, your partners would be...

I would advise to stop talking about your feelings with people who are judgemental about them. I am sure it is doing much more harm than good. *hugs*

I am not sure how what you wrote relates to what I had written, but I am happy to explain what I meant by that. I referred to a hierarchical situation, where the person who has two partners treats one (non-primary) with less consideration than the other (primary). If this person then tried to...