Search results

I would say proceed very slowly and carefully. No understanding at all can in some cases be better than a misunderstanding that is impossible to correct. From what you write, it could seem that he has some way to go in developing understanding (and who hasn't?). It is more important that you are...

A woman I know says freedom is her primary. Does that make her eternally single, or the other way around? I think ksandras suggestion of SP (sans primary) is good, to me anyone involved in a serious poly relationship isn't really single. They have taken on some obligations relationship-wise...

At least 3 categories of rules Have a taste, maybe? The proof of the poly pudding lies in the....? ;) I wonder if it may be fruitful to discern three types of "rules": 1. Rules as in commandments. Completely useless for poly, methinks. 2. Rules as in grammar rules enabling communication...

An attempt at something possibly comprehensible OK, I'll try to take it down to something possibly comprehensible. There are universal rules in polyamory, but they can never be formulated by any outer authority. These rules describe the grammar of the language of love, and in their native...

It may seem that you are arguing against me. But are you, really? I don't think so :) Something about inner and outer authorities, maybe?

Where did you get it from that someone thinks polyamory is a game? Where did you get it from that someone thinks polyamory is a game? When Mono says: "Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules." Does that mean that his life is simply a game? Communication is basic to polyamory...

Two-step approach? Would it be possible to do it in two, more indirect, steps? First, that you sit down and talk with them about how each of you feel when the other two are having sex, and you, for some reason, can not be involved? When they know precisely how you feel about it, they have got...

What becomes of a foundation being built upon? There you are. Foundation. Principles. To me, it is a bit of hair-splitting to insist on the principal differerence between basic principles and rules. Because if this foundation isn't in fact built upon, i.e. the principles given any power, we...

What about the Malvina Reynolds syndrome? What about starting with the Malvina Reynolds syndrome (Magic Penny): Love is something if you give it away, Give it away, give it away. Love is something if you give it away, You end up having more. It's just like a magic penny, Hold it tight and...

No rules, no game No rules, no game. If there are no rules at all, how can you tell polyamory from anything else? How can you explain that non-monogamous child abusers are not "polyamorous"? (AAO, Friedrichshof) OK, polyamorists are subject to ordinary moral rules, mostly. There you have...

Basic symmetry: Looks the same from different viewpoints Okay, let's take the simple and all-important transformation then: change of viewpoints. Take traditional polygamy: he is allowed to have several wives, the wives are not allowed several husbands. From his viewpoint: You are not allowed...

Why not turn it over to her? OK. It was very easy to interpret what you wrote in another way. You didn't explicitly mention the "shit happens"-perspective, which makes it very different. And I wasn't the first one to interpret it that way. In that case, why not turn it over to her? What kind...

OK... OK, an angel then, unable to love without craving for sex... ;)

Statistically, I'm sure you are right Well, I think you may be able to provide evidence for that, if you try. As a statistical relationship, I feel quite confident that it holds up well. Love is, in a sense, much about unification, and sex may be a close-at.hand and "natural" manifestation...

Talk about the poly idea, not your possible configuration I think the best way here is not brutal "honesty", and you don't have to tell her everything. Not at once, maybe not even ever. But my gut feeling is that you should really bring up the theme of polyamory with her ASAP, just not with...

This shouldn't be an issue at all I don't think you are really poly, just poly inclined/oriented, when this could be an issue, and even the biggest. 1. You simply don't get fluid bonded with secondaries when your primary is not feeling completely secure in the situation. 2. The most insecure...

One from the far north I'm a 50+ Norwegian, super-nerdy I think someone would say, but with a lot of interests and activities. A time of relief in my life was when I first found polyamory mailing lists and sites on the emerging Internet in the mid-90es. After all, I was not just another...

If it ain't communication, it ain't poly. Yes. Insist on the communicate, communicate, communicate mantra, and in such a 2+1 situation, it's their responsibility to meet you, communication-wise. ..If it ain't communication, it ain't poly.

One word: Patience It seems that you have a possible configuration for polyamory, but you must build it from scratch. And you have already nearly blown it by starting off something definitely romantic without telling her. Would YOU like to learn that your partner has started a new and deep...

For me, symmetry and balance are two different things in polyamory The basic property of symmetry, geometrically, is that you can apply a transformation, and the objects looks the same afterwards. A balanced configuration can be highly asymmetrical, and I don't want balanced principles for...