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I think your reply is spot on. It makes total sense. I mean, we went the whole spectrum of a relationship. The marriage was almost over. Literally 11th-hour type over. How could we rebuild anything with another involved? I will take this time to reflect on what bothered me and do some...

see this thread. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=113476#post113476 Go slowly is all I can advise. I went through the ups and downs like it sounds like you are having. Today I got tired of the downs and decided to take a break and ended things. I say break because I would like to...

Background: My wife Sarah and I were involved with another married couple for around 6 months. Today I told Sarah and my OSO Sunny that I did not want this anymore. I could not find a place where I was not bothered by something. I tried for 6 months to find a way, but I just can't put myself...

My wife Sarah and I are currently in a quad poly relationship with another married couple (Sunny and Sam). It started out as an emotional affair, me and Sunny. Fast forward to today, I seem to always have issues with it. First it was jealousy, anger, all that, but now it's become about...

Boy, I have made one hell of a mess. Sunny is upset. Sarah says she has nothing for me without Sam. (This is junk, I know. She is just upset.) I feel horrible. One thing is I reached out to Sam, because he and I have never really talked for more than 5 minutes. He reached out first last...

GroundedSpirit, well said. Yes, I have not included much here, but I have posted previously on other threads about my ups and downs. The four of us really do have an understanding of being poly. We have discussed this together. I do not consider it swinging. I know how Sarah feels about Sam. I...

Thanks. Anneintherain, you are right. The negative feelings are mostly focused on being uncomfortable with Sarah and Sam being physical, less so the emotions. Also I am fighting the human programming of being polyamory not being normal. Ugh. I spoke with Sunny last night and told her I needed...

My wife Sarah and I are involved with another couple who are also married (Sunny and Sam). In brief, it started when I had an emotional affair with Sunny. Along the way, I thought why not polyamory? So brought it up with Sarah once in a while. Well, eventually she and Sam ended up in love. When...

This is excellent advice. Kind of like, be intimate by being naked, but not worrying about the orgasm part.

I can say with 100% confidence that if I were happy in my job and not just scraping by financially, I would be a boat-load happier. I just don't feel like I am bothered by Sam. I honestly like the guy. I am happy for Sarah. 99% of the time I think about money and my job; maybe 1% may be...

Last night was a breaking point. I have to say, Sarah came home from being out with Sam, and was SOOOO supportive of me. God, it made me feel great. I think I have been on it for like 5 years. I am starting to wean myself off. I truly feel in my heart that Sarah and Sam are not the cause of the...

Uggh-- it just gets worse. I forgot to mention that it doesn't help that I have been having erection problems. I am not sure of the cause. I think subconsciously I could not be okay with this whole situation. Then again, life has been stressful for me. Laid off, job search, landed crappy job...

Follow up: we went out last night and had a great talk. We identified some things that are certain to be possible causes. The good thing is that she still loves me. She assumed that since she could not get aroused, I would want to leave her, or the marriage should just end, but I told her this...

I love your viewpoint. Positive.

Yes, rather recently I had an emotional affair, the result of which was a poly relationship with the other couple, if you can believe it (me with Sunny and my wife Sarah with Sam). However, there was a time when she felt like she was really going to lose me and she said she got back that...

My wife Sarah told me, "I don't feel THAT way for you." I asked her what she meant. She said she loves me, but does not feel physically attracted to me. I do not arouse her sexually. I know this could be for a variety of reasons: Been together 20 years. Sex with someone new. I have been...

I was first upset that I was lied to. I was calm. I have been understanding all day. I left work early and have hugged and kissed her. Calmed her down. She wanted to end things with Sam, but I don't want her making that decision under irrational circumstances. If time time goes by and we...

My wife Sarah and I are new to polyamory. She recently had sex twice with her OSO, Sam (which she lied about) and feels like a whore. She is having a great deal of difficulty getting over these feelings. How do I help her?

Yes, she is sharing her newfound sexuality with me. I guess I thought that after waiting 18 years for things, it would only be with me.

Yes, I totally agree. I am not going to do that. We had a talk last night. I told Sarah how I felt hurt, that she should have thought about me, and taken things slow. She knew I was not totally comfortable with things. The problem was that she performed three big things with him, one of which...