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I've not posted in a while mainly because there's not much going on on my end. I am just plugging away with a new job I love, and sometimes proactively looking for an OSO, sometimes not; sometimes I'm frustrated and angry with my rejections, sometimes I feel I could be perfectly happy as mono...

I didn't miss the fact that you three are in different countries, continents, and time zones. All the advice that has been offered is sound to your situation. You can set times for communication. To be honest, you don't need to understand why he bounces around; you must acknowledge that it...

Thanks for the extra information, Redevil. I think you are doing the right thing setting time aside for your husband to the exclusion of all others. From experience this goes a long way. I had to deal with similar issues. I also agree with your thinking it's your responsibility to work to make...

I agree with TP on this point. This alone would give me pause. It sounds like she is placing you secondary to her boyfriend, and that is wrong. She's trying to balance a developing relationship at the cost of an existing one. You say they are not being wholly unfeeling, but they are. She is...

The best advice I can give you, since I have been through it, is that you need to set hard guidelines of your needs from this poly relationship; that is, what restrictions will make you comfortable enough that you are not hurting? It's on your wife (and subsequently the boyfriend) to allow you...

1. It hurts so bad to see him touch her, kiss her, show physical love...what do I do to overcome this pain? I went through this too with TruckrPete and Mr. A. Those thoughts cannot really be overcome easily. Ultimately it took a lot of communication on our part to handle it. I set ground rules...

I keep threatening to get Mr. A a V Day card: Roses are red... Violets are Blue... I love her... and so do you...

Happy Birthday my love!

I have to second Mono on this one. The language you use: "relatively," "struggled," etc., are all qualifying terms for your relationship. Having had a BPD ex, I can tell you that it's not your BPD that is giving you these feelings. If it was, you would be pushing him away more than singing his...

Best. Advice. Ever. Communication is key, both of your needs and theirs. You're adding an extra person into the mix. Redpepper is right, assuming that your husband is the same in a totally different context will lead to trouble. Simply assuming too much will lead to miscommunication and...

I've not had a secondary relationship, come close a couple of times, but never actually had one...hence why it's mono.

I can understand that, and the tone of my post does lend itself to your assessment. But mono by default is something I use to simply state that I am poly or trying to be but not yet. I am definitely a positive mono, I can definitively say that and I am sorry it was portrayed any differently...

Was this for me or for you?

Thanks for your kind words. I think that the way to alleviate some of his concerns is only going to be respecting his wishes. When TP started dating Mr. A she would have disappeared in a puff of NRE energy had there not been very strict guidelines set out that we had both agreed upon (her...

I have to second that this needs to be expanded to Mono's with poly lovers. I think that dabbling in both worlds has left me with the feeling that I am not fully accepted in either anymore. That being said, I don't mind being in limbo...Mono and I have a party, it's great...but that being said...

I struggled, and am struggling with some of the issues you are dealing with. As for the asking questions and wanting information, I think you need to make it clear that there is a certain level of information required to alleviate your anxiety. When TP started going out we had a very frank...

I can understand your guilt, and your pain. When TP and I first opened up our relationship (and I use the "open" term specifically because we had not yet moved to polyamory), her dates would gnaw at me horribly. The image of me sitting at home worrying was a reality. And when she first started...

I can only really speak from one angle of a relationship on this issue; Mr. A had expressed to TP several times that he feels (has felt) like the other man and that he was doing something inherently wrong....now from my perspective there was very actionable things I can do to alleviate this...

TP keeps in touch on dates, and usually has told me the where/when of her date; mind you usually once a week we have Mr. A over for dinner and hang out together, so the communication is much more free. That being said I have not communicated with her at times on her dates strictly to give her...

Another one bites the dust.... So I was actually having a really great chat over the weekend with one woman, I had told her about poly and TP and she had said "cool" which probably should have been the first flag up that she'd not considered what that meant fully...because this morning I was...