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Been there Blacksofa-I haven't been on the boards for a while, but decided to check in and saw your post. I am currently divorcing my husband because of Craigslist and fuckbook activities. It is indeed like you are the stabilizing force to legitimize his double life. People will say shame on...

Thank you, Galagirl. Trust is everything. Without it, any type of relationship is hard to have, much less a meaningful life partnership. Starting life anew with 5 children and no extended family will be the hardest thing I've ever done. But I intend to do it and excel at it.

Thanks for the advice! Thankfully my new job has great healthcare coverage, and I can get 4 visits with a counselor for each kid for free. I will definitely take advantage of that. And I have an appointment with an attorney (known as a ball buster) at the end of January. He's already given me...

Grieving Yes, it hurts. I feel like I've been ripped in two... and like I'll never trust a man again. I am leaning toward divorcing him. For now, I just need the space to feel and think. I'm going to therapy solo, and that's good for me. I am grieving the loss of my marriage and the family unit...

The strict moral background is what kills me. And I think you're right-- the shame about sex that FJ felt from a very early age because of it drove him underground and made this a shadow life.

Yes, she is sickened by him. She is supportive of me. I am staying at her place a few days a week when he is with the kids.

Well, because of FJ's involvement in the relationship as a triad for a bit. Idk, everything is just so confusing. I feel duped, and guilty for ever bringing her into this mess. Hard to explain.

Hypocrisy That's just the tip of the hypocrisy iceberg. When we talked about me no longer going to church, he insulted me and said things like I had no purpose in life, etc., all the while he was trolling for hookers and special massages. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. And it's...

Update I don't know why I've logged on. Guess I'm just looking for somewhere to keep my thoughts together. Lots has changed since August. I stopped posting here because, through all the difficult convos I was having with FJ, I realized he was reading my posts. He may be reading this now. Who...

FJ let me know he had read my blog not too long ago. Which is why I haven't updated it in a while. We are traveling a really rocky road right now, and as I really dig deep some of the stuff I'd write would cut him to the core, and I'm not sure we would survive that. I have my personal journal...

Opalescent:

Thanks for your reply FOL. I really do appreciate the feedback. Again, I apologize for sounding annoyed, or sounding like I want to change him. I gave that up a long time ago. We have been together for a long time, and I realized several years ago to appreciate him for who he is. And really I...

Introvert Thanks for the reply. Yes, he is such an introvert and I am such an extrovert. These are things I know, that I've done tons of reading about in trying to learn how to relate to him. After 18 years, I've done a lot of learning. I am an ESTJ and he is an INFP. I've read and read and...

LR, thank you for your response. There will definitely be no rash decisions here. And you are right-- this is a mono mindset. I don't know that I'm not mono. I feel like this is situational more than anything. I can't say that I wouldn't be happy in a mono relationship. This is part of the...

Here's the thing. Now that I've experienced love with another person (MD), a different love built on an intense connection, I am questioning my relationship with my husband FJ. And I feel utterly ungrateful and selfish. Is this just bound to happen with polyamory? I have a blog up, so you can...

Wow, I'm finding myself here a lot. Mostly because I don't have a journal right now, so here is where I come. :) I talked with FJ some. It seemed to have helped. I will keep that up as long as it takes. We are in a funk together. We just need to keep up the communication. I'm keeping Bug...

I am so frustrated with FJ right now. I have been expressing that I don't feel connected. I'm trying to reach out, and he's just apathetic about it all. Last night, MD offered to keep the kids so FJ and I could go out. So we went out and it was good, if a bit boring. I'm just not sure what we...

Yesterday MD's power was cut off, because the company never switched it to her name, and the previous renter had not paid their bill. :( They are telling her it might not be on tomorrow. That would be 3 days without power, which sucks. Bug's dad is also acting like a piece of shit. What's new...

I am just happy, that's all. Feeling very secure and full right now. I spent last night with MD, and today just hanging with our girls. I spent last Thursday with FJ and a friend out on the town. I had some intense sex with FJ that included anal play, and it was more enjoyable than it's ever...

Not the end, of course not Since I last posted, MD and I have been solid and still connected as friends. We've been communicating so much better without the pressure of it all, which led to her sharing that for her, the pressure was to be involved with FJ. The connection and relationship we...