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Well said Well said, Spork, although it made me delete what I was going to post because you said it better! :-P

I hear you I totally feel for you. I am going through something similar. Unfortunately for some of us, our minds tend to fill in the blanks when we don't quite know what's going on. And, I have the bad habit of filling in the worst case scenarios rather than the best (or even neutral!) case...

"Relationship" means what!? It took me a long time to learn that the word "relationship" is very loaded for some people. "Loaded" meaning that someone has an emotionally charged definition of what the word that (typically) is not shared with other people. Often they may be unaware of the...

Many more options Right now, you're both hampered by traditional monogamous thinking which is limiting what you can imagine. There are many, many possibilities between where you are now and him, married monogamously with no contact with you. So try to stop catastrophising! After a 22 year...

Different perspective When I first started dating a poly woman (Celia), I was not poly. She proposed the rule that she would not date me unless I was actively pursuing & dating other women. For the first year, she did not date anyone else (again, her decision). The difference being that she...

I'll caveat this and say that this was a real sore point between me and a partner in the past. It feels a bit like a rant so I'll apologize up front. From my own experience, I like having my partner in bed with me at night. It's something that I enjoy and look forward to. I looked forward to...

I've used a number of different therapists over my life. Be ok with the idea that you may need to change therapists. One therapist I had was definitely not ok with the idea of polyamory. If your therapist pushes back, don't argue, just see about finding a new therapist. Another was ok with...

Thanks for all your input. To give you an update, we've been texting more and Diane said that she could understand that seeing two people who were obviously in love is a wonderful thing. She acknowledged that her socialization and her feelings for me made her feel envious and jealous. So I...

Yeah, avoiding dating people at work is not a poly thing - it's true if you are single and monogamous. But being poly or in an open relationship carries with it an extra level of risk if you are not comfortable with being outed. Especially if you don't know if Jane is poly then, mostly likely...

Having been the hinge of a V and failed (the first time), I know where you are coming from. But, as odd as it seems, "not wanting to see anyone get hurt" is what creates the problem. In my first serious experience as the hinge of V, I wanted to make everyone happy! It didn't work and everyone...

As you point out, not all discussions regarding third parties is triangulation. I only obliquely said "...learning to recognize triangulation is important." I would not consider it triangulation if Carol asked Cheryl, "Hey, you've done scenes with Bob before. How is he to work with? Anything...

Craigslist First, I agree with everything said before. Second, IMHO Craigslist is about the worst place to be looking for anything dating-wise. Not saying it's impossible, just that there are better venues for something "serious and meaningful."

Triangulation If there's more than one person, there's always the potential for drama. You can only manage yourself. And one way is to not participate in any triangulation. Triangulation is where one person communicates to another about a third person. Yes, Gossip falls under triangulation...

Thanks for your replies, it's good to get an outside perspective. Ravenscroft, I didn't think Bea was out of line at the time. I actually thought we were very restrained. So I was surprised that Diane was upset. Kevin, Diane may or may not be open to poly but it crystallized for me that I'm...

I thought I'd throw this out there. I am in a relationship with two other people, Celia and Bea. Celia is my ex, we live separately now but have re-establish a new relationship. Bea lives separately but we see each other often. We all consider ourselves solo poly. Some months ago, I met...

There's no rule about how long it takes to get over someone. Are your feelings interfering with your existing relationships? If not then don't sweat it. There's a lot of generic information on the web about how to get over an ex, most of which is perfectly applicable. You seem like you have a...

It's ok that you're having feelings about this. It's your home and suddenly parts of it off limits AND your main partner is also off limits AND in the next room "pounding it out" as you put it. That's kind of a lot to handle. Given your other posts, it seems like you are not taking care of...

Greedy? I've often heard the comment that I'm "greedy" (when talking to non-poly people) and that one person should be enough. Why is having two soul mates a bad thing? :) An embarrassment of riches? PS. Let me say that I don't actually believe in "soul mates" (that there is one person out...

Cheap affordable childcare Your feelings stem from a situation in the relationship. Ignoring or swallowing the feelings doesn't change the underlying situation. You are, in fact, providing him cheap, trusted, affordable childcare while you get no such benefit unless he is making equivalent...

Your feelings are your feelings. It's generally not a good idea to compare but rather deal with your relationship with your husband. what I'm hearing is that there are things you'd like to do with your husband that you haven't been doing (because of childcare?) You feel envious that he's...