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Yes, but it's perfectly reasonable to state what happens on your end if she makes certain choices that impact you. It's your own choice to decide to stay on this roller coaster or not.

Your partner is poly. While they may react to the change if you have never gone out dating, they should be able to grasp the concepts. If she is asexual, she may not even care that you are going out to have sex. Take the sex out and it becomes very easy. If you played pool and your partner...

Your story strikes a chord with me. This line of thought (trying to figure out his thoughts) seems unproductive. I would encourage you to focus on yourself, your priorities, boundaries, and your life in general without someone in the picture. As others have suggested, clarity in these areas make...

Good for the goose... Ha! I had a partner who used to say this and it was basically a cover for why they should be able to do anything that they wanted and why I should be ok with it. In my experience, it's a cover for not respecting someone else's boundaries. And what's good for the goose...

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I spent over a year as caretaker of my dying wife. The stress really amps up your feelings and reactions. No matter how close, it's difficult for people outside of the situation to really understand what you are going through. Your life is better with...

Great post, opalescent. The issue facing you, Brianne, is whether your feelings overwhelm your ability to make good decisions (assume Yes for now). Don't question your feelings but definitely question your judgement at this particular juncture. Usually the best path after a breakup is to...

I'm a little confused. Has she acknowledged her basic hypocrisy in her attitudes now that the shoe is on the other foot? If she's really the logical type I would expect that she'd have quite an internal discussion going on. She clearly knows how it feels to go out and have a relationship and...

My rule is that I never text about emotional issues. And there is so much communication that is not going well here. Trying to navigate this via text messaging is a minefield. So I would keep it simple, be nice but try to arrange a time to talk face to face. Don't start playing games with the...

None of this sounds very good. Forcing someone to stay in a relationship that they don't want doesn't make a lot of sense. You can't control how someone feels. You may force her to stay in the short term but I guarantee the resentment will grow and they will be looking for the first possible...

Should you hold out hope? No, not if you mean "should I hold my nose and hope this situation gets better on its own magically". The big advantage of poly is that you don't have to get all your needs met by one person. To me, there are two different questions 1) Can I get this need met with...

For me, I would avoid online dating but rather go to Meetups about things that you are interested in (any hobbies? But also include poly, sex-positive stuff, tantra etc). Just get used to going out and meeting people again with no expectation about sex or "looking for sex". Just go and have a...

Length of relationship mistaken for quality One of my favorite stories from the Onion Length of relationship mistaken for quality I've run into this same attitude where poly relationships are criticized because they don't know anyone where it's been "successful" as determined by longevity...

This is kind of a pet peeve for me, particularly when it's a pattern. People sometimes err on the side of the new shiny thing as opposed to the long term relationship. My feeling is that you should weight things the other way. Unless that's not how they feel. If the new shiny things always get...

I have a roommate (let's call him Les) who is single and monogamous. He is generally open minded but he has expressed some ideas that make me think the contamination idea is common to guys in general and not specific to religion per se. The opinions ahead are Les' not mine. Sorry in advance...

Lots of great commentary above. The only point I would add is that you focus on your own happiness and fulfillment rather than hers. If you're like me, a caretaker, it feels like you're being selfish. But it makes things much easier and clearer when you understand and communicate your own needs...

I have found this article to be helpful from more than two. https://www.morethantwo.com/bridgingthedivide.html

I find this incredibly hard to believe. Monogamy has nothing to do with the desire to have sex with someone else. It's a commitment not to...it's giving up something that's important to show our commitment. But the desire doesn't go away. From my own transition to poly, I suggest that this is...

Sounds kind of sweet!

Magical glue That's probably a good description of Bea's role in catalyzing my new relationship with Celia. She is very good at suggesting ideas outside the box. Plus relationships are very important to her. We are open to things evolving without being attached to a specific outcome (except...

Our counselor was good. And I don't know that it was a year, probably less. We certainly were dealing with this issue for a year. Counseling, to me, is to help people figure out what they want. The purpose was not specifically to "save" our relationship but to help us communicate better and...