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Honestly I don't see too big of a problem in your current situation: it seems like you two are doing well aside from this guy who has feelings for your girlfriend when she does not or does not want to reciprocate those feelings and wants a purely sexual relationship. But I do see some red flags...

Money is fungible, so I'd say forget that for now and just pay it back later or whatever you have to do. As for an opportunity for Ink to process some poly stuff, the sooner the better it sounds like. And yes, in my experience its the hardest things I learned the most from. I think going on this...

Most interesting one I've encountered: it's not possible to love more than one person. My response: Uh, I love more than one person, so yeah it is. Also, don't you love both your mom and dad? etc. The response to that is usually romantic love is different blah blah blah. Okay, but we're getting...

If you say no and someone keep saying "but pleeease" and they are a grown adult, that's a sign of sleaze.

When I hear this question it sounds like, I wear pants...so am I not a girl? Poly can be lots of things, in my opinion. True, you have to draw the line somewhere... some people like the term polyfuckerous if they are more casual with their polyamory but... hey I like expanding boxes. YMMV

Pardon if someone has already said this, OP. I feel you are in a good position if only because this incident revealed something about you and your BF. This actually reveals that he is still very stuck in mono-mindset, or "the pattern of behavior that monogamous people have". In mono-world, it...

I think making rules about sexual behaviors is a smarter path to start down than setting boundaries around what emotions can/cannot happen, so you win there. I do think you should agree to follow the same set of rules as you lay down for her, even tho you both seem to think you don't need to. I...

Actually yes. I know a couple who are actually male/female and straight and are platonic primaries and married. So there is definitely a precedent, even when both parties are straight because they are happier that way. Make your relationship style work for your happiness. ;)

My only real advice for OP is this: 1. Feel really confident that you can be honest and communicative with your partner before diving into this. 2. Just state what you want to potential partners up front. Get used to rejection, as this style of relationship isn't palatable to everyone (almost...

I can see your point. But I'm sticking to my guns. It's all discrimination. There are just some forms of discrimination we tolerate more than others, for whatever reason. And a part of me thinks that breaking up with someone because she is monogamous at heart is no different than breaking up...

What's wrong with the word is exactly this. It's makes you feel like shit, and it makes kinky people seem like asshats.

I have no idea! My partner brought this up, but now I just want a word!

That's a fun realization. ^_^

You should never have said you had a reason. Now we all have to know it.

How you feel is understandable. Not saying that you are overblowing this, but I find it helpful to remember that you will always imagine your partner and your metamor are having better sex than you and your partner, regardless of the reality! Also, side note, after they are together for three...

Talk it out. Go to counseling. Wait for either the bad blood to disappear (there is obviously bad blood) or for the relationship to end, which seems likely. Don't bring a child into that. Lies create this kind of tension and drama and bring out the worst in people. Find a poly-friendly counselor...

It's plain discrimination. Yes, it's the same as if he said I only want to date Black women, or Asian women, or skinny women. But this kind of thing happens all the time. It's a shitty situation, just like getting too fat for a partner who likes skinny people sucks. It can really feel like a...

Oh, duh! nuclearphillicist, nuclearphillicism. Or nucleophile. Apparently nucleophile et al is already in use. I say it's fine to give it two meanings, seeing as it's only other meaning has to do with the nucleus of an atom.

NuFZ is cute though... it's kind of like the word muggle?

(Although, I do want to keep in mind that I'd rather not create another word like "vanilla", with all its inherent negative connotations.)