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Oops, you posted while I was writing my ludicrously long response. Congratulations, sounds like you are making progress. Choosing to leave for a while IS progress, and the talking IS progress. I'd focus on reframing the "let her go" question. I discussed this a little already. Keep it about...

Hi Ambleew, First, I'm very sorry to hear about your tough situation. There is always hope, and despite how it feels, this is still early days. There is time to adjust patterns and behavior, but it takes work, courage and caring. My response is clearly coloured and driven by my experiences, so...

I agree. Jokutus, from my experience: don't give up hope, but at the same time, don't push. Just keep up the friendship and good conversations about other stuff. Probably at some point she'll ask questions. Curiosity gets the better of most people, plus it sounds like she is into you. That's...

Other than some adjustments for your comfort to make, this looks like a good thing for you all. Some thoughts: That does sound a little tough, I can see why you worry. The feeling of always being observed? Never having completely 'private' space with your partner? I also get a little edgy...

And also... Can you please elaborate on that, I would find this a very interesting answer to the general 'asexual' question? I'm very curious to see what that means to them, and to you two as a couple. I don't quite understand the use of the term g/f if there is not even dates. Thanks!

Hi SNeacail! A quick reaction (before I need to run off to work). There are some things that are a bit 'off' in our situation. However where I feel really fortunate is that I feel I can trust them both absolutely around the agreements we all make together. (There are some areas where that...

Hello, I wrote a while back about my non-poly V (poly-fidelity I think is a better description, as we are a stable and closed V? Except for the glitch where I'm not allowed to see other people now that I'm interested in it.) Some of you jumped to my defense, others helpfully steered me when I...

I have to second a lot of what GS says. For experiences: I'm on one arm of a V. For us, it's worked best when we are all physically near each other and can keep a good friendship going between the "Arms". It helps us see each other as human beings instead of threats. (and we were friends...

Hi Honestheart, Not sure quite what's happening in your situation, so I'll "ass-u-me" a bit and tell you what I've seen from my experience. I'm in a situation where we've been putting off a difficult conversation about difficult changes. We had to take a break from it, and now other major life...

Hi JKelly, I think HappiestManAlive captures most of it pretty well in another thread: In other words, it's just not fun to deal with some side effects. One example, D's friends were a bit pleasantly shocked in our early days at a party where it became clear what was happening, to them he's...

Hey, Mono. Thanks for this, both funny and thoughtful. I'm constantly enjoying this site, to come across very useful tidbits. The reminder of the different approaches between mono and poly-fi and open poly is a good one in thinking through my current situation, understanding some of the...

Personally, I've always been like a puppy with my (past, mono) lovers. Touch is very meaningful and reassuring to me, either just a hand touching her or me, or a leg pressed together, or leaning together. In my Vee, we cuddle up on the couch when things are going well, to talk or just watch a...

Hello chouette! I am in a similar situation, and learned some things recently, so here's my take on your questions: Considering you are married (not just in a very casual relationship), I recommend the etiquette be you new partner knows right from the beginning. She already knows about your...

I'll take a break from my current predicament to ask a lighter, but important question. When reading about poly, I'm finding all sorts of guidance on how to handle fear and jealousy. But I see nothing about handling Guilt - that worm in your stomach telling you you did something wrong, even if...

I should point out right away that I'm no saint. I've had my fair share of meltdowns, unfairnesses and hypocrisy over the years we've been together and in the last two months of hard work. I also panic and despair sometimes, fantasizing about (and even planning) moving out. It helps lately that...

Thanks and good to hear from you all on this. My one IRL friend I have to discuss with is good at forcing me to discover what I want and what my boundaries are, but doesn't really have poly experience. Your ideas and approaches and perspectives are valuable. It is one of the things S got...

The coffee idea is good, maybe no need to "plan" it but just take the opportunity when you see him. This calls for a bit deeper discussion than you can have in a quick hallway discussion. I tried it at the end of a fun day with a friend, as we were parting ways. Complete botch, and in that...

As I mentioned in my introduction, I've run into some trouble and could use an ear, a shoulder, even some wisdom. We've been living as a male-female-male V for 5 years, my wife S is the hinge and our good friend D is the other arm. We hadn't been open before, we began as a fun sexual triad...

Hi all, nice to find you here. Nice to find a good place to talk. I'm not joining the Dutch poly forum because I'm American and it's easier to go through this in your native tongue. I've always been comfortable with a slightly-off sexuality and the idea that openness and honesty could make...