Or, if the freedom to have other relationships is important to you, find another relationship where it is allowed, and you don't have to sacrifice yourself. That's also an option, if your current relationship doesn't meet your needs.
It's a small point, but this is a bit worrisome. When Wife first brought it up, I tried to read everything I could find in order to understand. Sometimes it took a couple of different versions before something made sense. Blatant refusal to even try to educate himself about the subject seems...
Often, when polyamory is something of a surprise, it's advised to slow down to give the mono a bit of time to adjust. This is VASTLY more important when it's introduced through an affair. Too many people make the mistake of trying to go straight from cheating to polyamory, as if now that...
YGirl, Is your husband ok with this? My wife used to do this but I would get annoyed because not only was she doing X which she felt shady about but also concealing it, which seems to me to be a bad sign?
How does the passage of time change things?