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Thanks all I appreciate all the thoughtful responses. A few other major red flags cropped up as well, so after two years, I have put my heart into protective mode and stepped back. So far back, I question if I will ever live a poly life again actually, though I know the concerns that have me...

I sympathize. I could have written much of what you did. I appreciate reading all the responses to your post. Sometimes I wish I could make him/them see what it looks like from their words and actions/inactions, and want to change for for the better. But I can't and it's not my place. All I can...

Clarification... I asked him if there was any truth to my perception that by moving without taking her into consideration or discussing first, that as she would be unlikely to follow him, he would then be guilt free as she would be the one to verbally call an end their relationship. His response...

Asking for opinion... Would you think it inappropriate to take a short break, if your partner requested that you seek employment in another state and promised to follow you, without discussing with their spouse first.. in what is percieved to be an way to force the issue if the spouse really...

One of the great things about life is everyone has their own comfort levels. I respect your opinions. No, I don't meet for coffee first. And I am very upfront about the fact that I will do a search before meeting. I am also upfront about honesty being a priority. If anyone is uncomfortable...

Thanks for the responses. The sting is reduced a bit. This dropped bombshell had left a crater. I'm yet to see if it will explode. He has started to open up and we have time planned to talk more. Many times we have talked in depth about my feelings of being lied to, outright and by omission...

I need a sounding board. I found out that my partner had a long-term love affair on his wife long ago. I'm feeling very hurt because he did not disclose it to me before. He told me about all the other affairs, physical flings, before they both agreed on pursuing poly, which was after he...

Just an update & a resource We still have not had "the communication talk," all of us together. Sunshine asked me to delay. Then my divorce got uglier as the court hearing came & went. (I'm to the point of having a chaperone when I do have to see the ex, due to fear). And then partner's wife's...

While off topic to the thread, you are correct. LovingRadiance said and I couldn't have said it better. My example for denying agreeing to poly is an extreme example. Something much smaller may be an understanding, such as, "I will let you know when my plans to come home for the night need...

I once wrote, "In any relationship, communication, fidelity/keeping agreements, and honesty are what are ultimately most important. A big part of the communication is understanding what your agreements are and what everyone's expectations are - whether those agreements are verbal or written...

Thanks all. Feeling a bit less weepy today, More drama with my soon to be ex hubby helped with that. Anxiety trumps sadness.

Thank you, GalaGirl. I DO want to go. I love the kids. But my need/desire to honor the comfort level of my metamour trumps all. My fears, if I were to go-- I would slip up and hold his hand, or kiss him, or stroke his hair, and if her sibs noticed, S's fears would come true and she would resent...

Tough weekend-- could use some reassurance to get through it. Long story as short as I can condense: My SO Sunshine's son's wedding is Sat. Kids invited me. Discovered Sunshine's wife was wigging out and wanted me to pretend I was "just a friend" as she is still in closet with her two sibs...

Saw a reference to poly on ihatemyinlaws.com for the first time. I usually read them to feel better when I'm down about my in-law loonies. I did relate a bit to this one, a gal ranting about her hubby's other wife not showing him enough love.

I check on the Gay and Lesbian Medical Associations Find a Provider Not directly poly oriented, but professionals who describe themselves as being welcoming to clients with alternative lifestyles. The list isn't huge yet, so if you know of a great therapist or other health care provider who is...

Oops. Perhaps we should have a moderator move the thread. I have this forum bookmarked and had totally forgotten about the Spirituality forum.

Here are a few notes and links I put together for my ceremony next year: http://www.squidoo.com/Handfasting-Wedding-Ritual The Colours of Handfasting In the traditions of Celtic handfasting, the couple's wrists are bound together using ribbons of thirteen different colours. Each colour has its...

I put this together as a note for my Facebook page for the more religious-leaning folks I know: It's OK to Love more than One I've heard arguments that God forbids it, or that having more than one partner is a sin. But I've read the good book cover to cover (thanks, Catholic school), and the...

A happy story. I used to have DADT policy, to "be discreet" with my ex-h. I never was happy about it. So when I left him, I swore to never keep my loves as a shameful secret. I don't shout it from the treetops, but I don't attempt hide it any more either. My son was never fully aware I had...