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  1. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    @redpepper: thanks for your kind thoughts. I doubt I'll totally leave the forum. This is a really helpful place! River and I are just beginning our offline conversation. He obviously has some huge wisdom on all this. But I do and will continue to value many voices. Had a lovely visit with my...
  2. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Hey River. I will contact you privately. Meanwhile, to anyone else who's following this thread, Husband and I had a huge, powerful, no-holds-barred conversation today. Much is being sorted, and will continue to be sorted for a long time to come (a lifetime, perhaps). But for now, I feel we have...
  3. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Thanks, River. You've obviously been through a lot of thought on all this in the past. Truly appreciated. Just call me JR if that's easier. My husband is a quiet guy; a processor. That makes things like this very challenging. He has to collect information, process it, and then make his...
  4. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Thanks River. Helpful. Your earlier thoughts about "Does he truly know I love him?" and your comments about fuck buddies and lovers (above) are really powerful. A lot of things are going on here. My husband wanders quite long-faced through the days right now. That's hard. It pulls me down, too...
  5. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Oy, now people in this thread are challenging what I'm doing/done. Thanks, that's just what I need. Not. Let s/he who is without sin cast that first stone. There is no exact science to how polyamory is done, and I'm in my own process. Having fuck buddies/sexually open relationships (which...
  6. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    If he doesn't know, I don't know how to tell him any more than I already do. A day doesn't go by that I don't tell him verbally, and try to express it in the way I interact. I have always been very affectionate with him. We've slept literally wrapped around each other since the first night in...
  7. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    River: Astonishingly helpful already. I get the "V" concept. I do find myself very much loving two men, and understand that my feelings for one really have nothing to do with my feelings for the other, nor do they dimish in either case. My husband, on the other hand, feels like if I'm giving...
  8. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Sorry, YGirl. I thought when you typed "this" you were intending to link me to thoughts from JRM, as mentioned by Mono. Just a bit confused. It doesn't help to have been left alone in bed last night and spent half the night sobbing into my pillow... First time I've cried in years. Ouch.
  9. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Thanks for the thought (truly!!!), but the link doesn't take me anywhere.
  10. J

    New, already have challenges, gay male r'ship

    Hi Polys, The Nutshell: I'm gay. I have a husband (together nearly 10 years, sexually open 5+ years). discovered The Ethical Slut a few months back via a fuck buddy, thought it would simply help me be a better fuck buddy, had no clue why they kept talking about love. Last three months, falling...
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