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@Cleo & MeeraReed - I respect your opinions on this, but I know firsthand that this actually does happen as I described it. I'm very happy to hear that there are those like you who take a more even-handed approach.

This is a good question, and a valid observation. I *hope* the reason for this is because a person will want to be able to say that they identify as poly because they can nurture one solid relationship before opening up to multiples - at least that's the common wisdom and advice given to...

This was beautiful, and I just wanted to say thank you very much.

But that is exactly what you are doing! You just keep on making everyone else's point for them. :) A lot of what you could be reading up on is contained in the thread above. Lots of sound knowledge from folks who know more about it than I do. Start there. PS. you're funny when you call...

You have demonstrated several times that the only opinion on this that matters to you is your own, and those that mirror your own. THIS is why your point of view on this is demeaning. You do not get to define gender for others, no matter how certain you feel about your own definitions. Go...

You do sound like you are poly to me, because you are open to the idea of a romantic relationship with your friend, and not keeping secrets about it from your (husband? Boyfriend?). You're poly, but you're extremely choosy as well. :) Poly has never meant slutty, but of course occasionally...

I just wanted to say thanks for posting about this. I'll be following the progress of this thread with great personal interest. I sympathize with your predicament and hope this works out for the best for both of you.

Thanks - that kind of sums up what I was saying earlier in this thread. I don't give a damn about her other lovers' happiness, but I am happy knowing that she is happy. So, I'm not sure if this is compersion or not. :confused:

Hi Coraline - Obviously you recognize that this is jealousy, as you said you were feeling petty. I struggle with jealousy myself too. I just hope you receive more input and helpful suggestions. I have found that the most frequent posters here can sometimes be the least understanding and just...

I still don't find myself feeling happy that my lover has someone in her life that she loves, so in that sense, I don't *get* compersion either. But when I step back and look at it differently, it makes sense. I'm happy that she is happy, just like I would be happy if she was enjoying a tv...

Of course the only rules that count are the ones that work for you & your loved ones in your relationships. That said, speaking as someone who has been involved in poly relationships, and power-exchange bdsm relationships for over a decade, I can say for sure (for myself) that healthy poly has...

Yup, I missed the part where she said "yes". But I still think it is downright disrespectful to assume that you know all about what a person would and would not be into, even calling it "hypocrisy" when your biases are exposed for what they are, based on someone being trans and kinky. :mad:

Well said, Marcus. And to add to that, I think it was presumptuous of the OP to think that the object of her affection would be up for a poly relationship because, well, she MUST be anything-goes since she's trans and kinky. :mad:

I came out to my family as poly only very recently. I kept lots of information from them for quite a few years to guard that part of my life, but once I realized that I was ready to face any worst-case-scenarios that I could come up with, I came out. I haven't had the experience yet of...

Cis-gendered male, if it feels good, do it. (Mainly attracted to feminine energy, mainly in relationships with cis-gendered women, but attracted to a lot of people for a lot of reasons.)

THANK YOU AnnabelMore and GalaGirl, for putting words to something I have been thinking, but not quite able to verbalize for a while now. THANK YOU! The sexual health stuff goes without saying. But while love is limitless, time and *energy*, including sexual energy, are most definitely not...

For what it's worth, you sound extremely conflicted yourself. I'm not saying this to be judgmental, in fact I sympathize with the situation in which you find yourself, but I think that you really should pursue counseling or therapy as an individual, and couples therapy (with your wife). It is...

Seems like you already know the answer to your question. You have to let your boyfriend know that you aren't interested in a threesome with her, so he's not expecting to set that up, and you have to let the girl know that you're just not into her in that way. This is never easy, in poly...

I agree with the others who have said that this sure sounds hypocritical, but... Who gets to make the determination of what "emotionally incapable" means? And likewise, who gets to say what "truly polyamorous" looks like? Your question is predicated on some pretty judgmental sounding...

My advice - suck it up and know you are doing the right thing by not going to the wedding. Despite your feelings for M, R is your spouse and it isn't right for you to brush off R's dislike of M that way, as though it shouldn't matter. It should - but as you said, that is a subject for another...