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I want to clone you and make sure everyone has a GalaGirl to turn to when life gets shitty.

GalaGirl, that is a really good question, it hadn't even occurred to me to think about that. I think maybe what I need right now is sane, rational people countering the irrational things that keep coming up in my head -- that I will never find a true partner, that I will never find someone else...

I know you are all correct and I have to just get out...I am in so much pain though :(

To be fair to him, he says he is perfectly ok with having other guys in the house. But I am really not sure he has thought it through that much. He told his lifelong best friend last night, and didn't get much support. Everyone thinks he is being crazy. Everyone. So at this point I am kind...

He doesn't even want to find an existing situation, he wants to build it himself out of people he picks! No, he has never seen this work. I guess we know 1 poly family in a similar situation, but he constantly uses them as an example of people who are totally dysfunctional and he doesn't even...

SchrodingersCat -- I have been thinking about that. Like, even if he wants to go through the motions of "transitioning" to secondaries (mainly, me moving out) I kind of think we will end up back together anyway. He feels like he needs a partner who is seriously committed to seeking out this...

Thanks for both your replies. nycindie, I agree completely. This came up in our last discussion about it last night -- for me, most of the appeal of polyamory is NOT having to predefine roles for people in my life, and letting them just be what they are. My partner is SO SET on having this...

After many months of trying to make it work my partner is throwing in the towel. He thinks that what we want out of poly is just too different. He wants basically a commune-like living situation, with many life-partnered people living together. I just want to be a normal person who has other...

I think all I need is to be able to talk this through. I was mostly expecting the poly community to side with him and saying that I was imposing unfair "rules" on him, and that my jealousy/insecurity was my problem to deal with. To be fair, he has made a lot of concessions, but it has not been...

Thanks, believe me that I am reading every word you are writing and taking it very much to heart. I see what you mean about flipping back and forth, the problem is that I think that we are both right, and we are both wrong, at the same time. I looked through the pdf and to my relief none of it...

I just keep thinking that I'm in the wrong, and if I could just get to where he is with the poly stuff, we wouldn't have any problems. He gives me full support and autonomy to pursue anything I want. This is literally the only thing we fight about, but obviously, the fights are bad. Also, if...

I know this is just my sadness speaking, but suppose he comes home (he's gone for the weekend) and we discuss and he agrees he's in the wrong on everything...do you think it can still be saved?

GalaGirl, I completely agree, but he feels like he has done nothing but consider my feelings. I can't believe how we can see things so oppositely. It is as clear to me as it is to everyone else that this relationship is not going to work out, but it is really difficult to come to terms with...

A couple clarifying points... I hear you on this and am surprised it has to be told to people, honestly. One of my biggest reservations about this particular friend was that there is NO WAY this would be a good situation for her. My partner for some reason is convinced that he is some kind...

I understand that dating together is pretty unpopular around these parts, but honestly I think it is a pretty hard rule for me. The more experiences we have, the more certain I am of that. I think it's possible that our relationship could evolve to include separate relationships, but that...

I posted this over on the reddit poly forum but was hoping for more feedback; I am feeling so lost and stuck right now.... Even though I went into my relationship with my partner wanting/planning to be poly, it has been a horrible experience for me. I don't know how much backstory to include...

He has had many years of experience being poly..we had had good sexual experiences including other people in the past so I wanted to try dating someone together to kind of ease into it. I understand a lot of the poly community rejects this idea and it basically makes us unicorn hunters and...

Well, this is hardly a one-off experience. This is the latest in a long series of me not being able to handle poly experiences. I guess I had expected that there would be bad situations like this in the process of working through everything...he seems to see it differently.

Thank you all for your help. It is relieving to hear from people who had bad experiences and then went on to have good ones. I would kind of like a do-over now that I've sorted out why I reacted badly...would it be a bad idea to ask the other parties for one? I am worried they both think I'm...

We just had a talk. My partner thinks I am never going to be able to handle being poly. I think he is trying to slowly break up with me. I am devastated.