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It may not be necessary, but when it works, it is fabulous. (Speaking from experience here.). Some really enjoy the close-knit family vibe, sharing day to day routines, the minutiae of daily living. Others need more autonomy. I realize you are speaking from your experience and needs, but the...

Well said, Kevin.

I think the first thing you have to ask yourself: do you think you are broken? If not, then why give a rats about what other people think? In my experience when a person is not comfortable with themselves, or wonders about the legitimacy of her choices, others pick up on that and assume from...

I'm sorry. I understand your grief. No way to magically forego the process, which just sucks. One thing to watch out for is feeling that when something bad happens to us that must mean we did something to deserve it, that we did something or wrong, or that we are bad. The thing of it is, a...

The OP stated in her initial post that the relationship was not secondary, but used the term to indicate they are not the married couple.

The issue about asking - and I'm not saying it shouldn't be discussed - is that people can have some STDs and not know it. HIV is a good example, although as London pointed out, one of the ones people are least likely to contract. People can be symptomless for years, and even with regular...

I would have issues being involved with someone who expects you to take the burden of her dating others, but is unwilling to deal with her own insecurities about you dating others. While I know the conversation is focused on the dating aspect and the inherent lack of symmetry in her proposal, it...

I think what you are experiencing is envy - and understandably so. It sounds like your relationships with your gf and her other bf are really pretty good, but the external circumstances surrounding the relationship, namely the LDR part, sucks. The question is, is the problem the LDR part? And...

I imagine this has much to do with your age. (Mid 20's?). I am trying to figure out how to explain a concept that seems to come..., well, with age. I am 50. I like myself, but more importantly, I am comfortable with who I am. When I speak to someone, I really have little regard for how they...

I took Logical Thinker's comment to mean that there might have been something going on for which the ignored feeling party was unaware and might understand if she knew.

I am so sorry for both you and your husband. What an ordeal! Yes, it is very typical for the caregiver to feel angry at the situation. It is very typical for the person afflicted with poor health to be angry at the situation. It is very immature and selfish when one or the other actually treats...

Are you concerned she will issue an ultimatum? Try to force him to choose?

You have chosen to view her refusal to close your relationship as betrayal. Understand this interpretation of events is a choice you have made and are choosing to hold onto. Did you ever talk to her about how you felt? Give her a chance to explain her reasoning, her feelings? Have any discussion...

There are a lot of competitive, monogamous types thoughts going in your post. I am not criticizing, if that's how you want to live, but it's very difficult to have open relationships with that mindset. Not saying it can't be done, but it seems to create lots of misery. So to address one of...

I would also add that jealousy is based on false assumptions such as: Love is finite, so that if my main squeeze loves another s/he loves me less. If my main squeeze loves another, there I something wrong with me. It sounds like you logically realize the fallacies, but our emotions have...

Excellent post!

I have to agree with Schroedinger. I have never labeled myself mono or poly. I would probably label myself "whatever works." (AKA as INTJ in some circles. :p). What it sounds like to me, is that whatever is going on right now is not working for you. You don't have to commit yourself to a label...

Jealousy is not a sign of caring. Because you feel jealous in regard to your bf's activities and not your spouse's does not mean you care more for your bf; it means you feel more insecurity in regard to the relationship. Given the longer history, the mutual ties of the children, the shared...

HA! My thought exactly.

I do understand Ali wanting to give this one more shot where expectations and consequences are clearly defined. That way, she knows she has done everything she can to make her position clear. If he does lie again, he can't pretend he didn't know it was deal-breaker. Hopefully, bassman now...